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Entertainment
created by and for the no-budget filmmaking
community. We all work way too hard making movies not enough people watch.
FASTFORWARD is a chance for us to talk to other people just as messed-up as we are, relax and laugh about it. Send
submissions/comments/complaints to 
Never Let Warren Blyth Shoot Your Wedding Video
That's not technically the title of the article, but it's good advice. In this 2003 article, Making Money
as an Amateur Video Artist - Volume 1 : The Prestigious Wedding Video, Warren Blyth (of Oregon's Bravado/Funeral Home Entertainment) discusses the circumstances on which he wound up shooting a wedding video for 50 bucks ... and how, after a year of sitting on the footage not doing anything with it, the bride and groom are about to get what they paid for. Shooting wedding videos is often noted as a way for the low-end videographer to make some money. But when you're only making 50 bucks off the deal, or even making 500, maybe it isn't all it's cracked up to be. From creepy little ring-bearer kids glaring at you, to the rear ends of 80 year old women, to the groom looking nervous as hell, it's all there in all its uncomfortable glory .... in Warren Blyth's Making Money
as an Amateur Video Artist - Volume 1 : The Prestigious Wedding Video.
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Miranda Otto Has the One Ring!
Hi. Peter Jackson here. In 2003 an epic battle occurred on the Fastforward Forum. And I know epic battles! A thread entitled "Where is David Ashe?" started innocently enough. Oscar Winning Actress Cate Blanchett had decided that non Oscar winning amateur actor David Ashe was sexy, and that she wanted to do him. As unlikely as that sounds. However, it soon turned into an epic struggle, as Eowyn actress Miranda Otto got hold of the One Ring, using its immense power to control an army of cats! And Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade actress Alison Doody, who had turned down the role of Eowyn, continued to deny that she's in love with me. Here, enjoy the entire epic struggle - Miranda Otto Has the One Ring!
Starring David Ashe as Cate Blanchett, George Lucas and the Fake Miranda Otto, Garrett Gilchrist as everyone else, and Warren Blyth as the Orcs.
And don't forget to visit the Fastforward Forum ... the forum so hip it can't see below its waist. Christ, I'm fat.
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Movie Ideas by Jonason Ho
Over the years, Oregon's Jonason Ho has been kind enough to share with us his many ideas for movies in our forum. It's amazing to think that Jonason has never pitched his ideas to studios and networks, as they certainly inspire and fascinate. Here at last is a compilation of the many movie ideas of Jonason Ho.
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Pussy Cake, or Reloaded Made Me Want a Refund
Continuing on from "Miranda Otto Has the One Ring" was this thread about the Matrix sequel. While Warren and Dave liked the film, pretty much the entire rest of the world was disappointed with it. As Miranda Otto's army of cats geared up to destroy the world, a review of The Matrix Reloaded by Mike Stoklasa inspired the filming of an epic fanmade Matrix sequel, Pussy Cake! Inspired by the scene in Reloaded where the woman eats a cake, and, well .... Enjoy all the action in Pussy Cake, or Reloaded Made Me Want a Refund!
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The Allison Doody Files
More from our forum. In real life, there's a popular Irish actress with that name (almost) who starred in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Major League 2, and Jim Henson's The Storyteller (Sapsorrow). She also turned down the role of Eowyn in The Lord of the Rings. And I'm sure she's quite a nice person.
In the warped world of our forum, she, like Peter Jackson, became a character. An angry, self-described "Ice Queen From Hell" who takes no guff from these young wankers, and wants nothing to do with Peter Jackson and his advances.
At her peak in 2003, Allison Doody brought out the worst in our mostly male forum. Chauvinism of every stripe came forth to get a reaction out of her. Even Garrett Gilchrist, who is about as much of the opposite of a chauvinist as you can get, got in the act, as a disgusting Olsen Twins thread drove him to write a guide to "How to be a better pedophile!"
So here, for all you nerdy little boys who still live with your mothers, is the very best of your Nazi Ice Queen, Allison Doody. (With no offense intended to the real actress of almost the same name.) An epic in five parts ...
An Open Letter to George Clooney
Allison Takes Over FF
Dance, My Puppets, Dance!
The Olsen Twins, or Be a Better Pedophile
Obey Allison Doody!
Things Get Crude
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2002 Interview: Jason Santo talks to Mike Stoklasa
A classic interview from 2002. Something about it still holds up for me, even all these years later. In 2002, Mindscape Pictures' Jason Santo began a series of interviews at that other site, interviewing me and then depressive GMP Pictures filmmaker Mike Stoklasa. In Stoklasa's inimitable style, he made the interview so dark, bitchy and strange that Santo decided never to run it. The interview passed into obscurity, and legend. Somehow I got hold of it, and here it is for you.
2002 Interview: Jason Santo talks to Mike Stoklasa
Hallo Friends ... it's Sergio!
Probably the longest-running prank character at the other forum was Sergio, an immigrant filmmaker and director of "Look Out Ghost!" The character was controversial among those at the boards who disliked anything funny, as usual, but grew to be a part of the family. Sergio was actually Mike Stoklasa, who later wrote a screenplay starring the character and started to produce it as an animated film.The project was too ambitious, and Mike was unable to complete it.
But here are the original posts ... the magic of Sergio!
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Worst of the Fastforward Forum
I would have called this "Best of the Fastforward Forum," but let's be honest here for a moment. What we've got here is a collection of gimmicky and strange posts from both FFrevolution and the other site. Some of this is Mike Stoklasa being his usual self - which is to say, acting like he's possessed by the devil. And posts that I felt like saving for whatever reason. So here we are - The Worst of the Fastforward Forum.
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Issue 14, from 2003
If you're looking for the classic 2003 articles by Donald Washington, Roscoe Gortsky, David Ashe, and Alan and Dean Feiss, then look no further - they're compiled in Fastforward Issue 14, from 2003.
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All text by Garrett Gilchrist.
Site designed by Warren Blyth and maintained by Garrett Gilchrist.
All pictures stolen from their respective owners.
Orange Cow Productions, 2001-2009.
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Ah, fake news. When I started this site in 2001, all it was was a series of spoof news bulletins, about the world of amateur filmmaking. I wrote an issue a day for a week, and never thought Fastforward would actually go anywhere. The site grew into a genuine filmmaker's forum in 2002.