Cate Blanchett Posts: 4 Joined: Jan. 2003 Posted: Jan. 29 2003,20:58 I am looking for a man named David Ashe. He and I are destined to mate many, many times. Have I come to the right place?   I am so fucking hot.

George Lucas Posts: 9 Joined: Dec. 2002 Posted: Jan. 29 2003,21:01 Hey, Cate! It's George? Would you like to be in a movie? After Star Wars is over, I'm going to make lots of even worse, but financially less-successful movies! Interested?

Cate Blanchett Posts: 4 Joined: Jan. 2003 Posted: Jan. 29 2003,23:35 No, George. No.

Tygerbug Posts: 330 Joined: Dec. 2002 Posted: Jan. 30 2003,01:44 Instead of a George Lucas you would have a queen! Beautiful and terrible as the dawn! Treacherous as the sea!

Miranda Otto Posts: 5 Joined: Jan. 2003 Posted: Jan. 30 2003,21:04 I would just like to point out that I have no interest in David Ashe. In fact, I'm not even completely sure who he is. However, I would love to be in your movie George. Don't tell Pete.

Allison Doody Posts: 11 Joined: Jan. 2003 Posted: Jan. 30 2003,21:07 Loser.

Peter Jackson Posts: 11 Joined: Jan. 2003 Posted: Jan. 30 2003,21:14 Hi Cate! It's Pete. Good to know you're still alive. We haven't spoken in so long because you never answer my calls. Hey, our movie was pretty successful Cate, you were wrong. We did pretty good, did you see it? We had a really successful DVD too. I even put back the scenes you threatened to murder me for cutting. So that's nice. The whole cast did a commentary. We really coulda used you. Well, you did a great job and you're still the elf witch in my book. Wait, that didn't come out right. Fuck. I am always so uncomfortable around blondes. Which reminds me, Miranda, you're a traitor going to Lucas and you better not show your face in Wellington because I am going to fucking kill you. Oh, and .... um, hi Alison. I'm pretty famous now. You wanna be in a movie? No? Okay. (sigh) Anyway, hopefully no one reads these internet posts, because I've got a private matter to discuss with you Cate, that I don't think I can discuss with anyone else. I certainly can't discuss it privately, if anyone found out they'd kill me. I haven't been sleeping all week. It just hit me that the Two Towers is basically out of theaters now. Which means, they want to see the next one. The next one, Cate. Return of the King. How am I supposed to tell the entire world we never shot Return of the King?

Ralph Bakshi Posts: 1 Joined: Jan. 2003 Posted: Jan. 30 2003,21:39 Hahahahahahahaha! I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT the minute I saw your Two Towers and it ended the exact same way mine did! I bet you're not laughing now. You're an idiot Bakshi, you said. There's no curse, you said. Well I bet you fucking believe in the curse now! What happened when you tried to finish the battle of Helm's Deep Pete? You don't have to lie to me. I know what happened because it happened to me too. It's a great book, an amazing book, but Tolkien never told us the horrible truth. He never told us that Sauron was real. And he doesn't like losing. What did the dark lord tell you, Pete? When he looked inside your soul what did he see? Which members of your family did he threaten to kill Pete? Fran? Lovely, lovely Fran. He must have made her scream so that it was heard for miles. You saw the tears on her face, didn't you? You were there. He must have tortured your love the way he tortured mine. It's all over now Pete. You did good, but you have to give up. There's no defeating him. Change your name. Change Fran's too. Move somewhere small, remote. Never tell the fans what happened to you. Let them think you've died, or with Sauron's help they'll kill you. You'll be far unluckier than I was, because your version of the books doesn't suck ... when they hear that there will be no third installment, they will tear you limb from limb. Unknowing, they will be servants of Sauron. You will fall. And Sauron will win. Not permanently of course. He is still weak and the time of men is not yet over. But the day will come when some other poor fool will try to do what you couldn't, and what I couldn't ..... shoot the rest of The Two Towers, and The Return of the King. Shoot a movie that finishes the Lord of the Rings trilogy. That fool will doom us all. Call me if you get a chance. I've got some good remote hiding places with cheap beer, island atmosphere and great Asian hookers.

George Lucas Posts: 9 Joined: Dec. 2002 Posted: Jan. 31 2003,02:00 Hey...I'll finish the movie! With my complicated special effects studios, and incredible clout in Hollywood, nothing could stop me from finishing the trilogy! This is chance for Lucas, captain of myth...to show his quality...

Miranda Otto Posts: 5 Joined: Jan. 2003 Posted: Jan. 31 2003,02:03 You know what? I went to David Ashe's unofficial fan page, and...well, I don't know what it is about him...the mild acne, or the overweight physique, but... I changed my mind. I think he's pretty hot.