Sergio Posts
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Sergio
Sergio Love American Woman Posted 10-9-2000 05:01
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Sometimes Sergio think: Why I make movies? Is it because I like to tell story? Is it because I want to make money? Because I get feeling of accomplishment? no no, It is because Sergio want to sleep with sleazy actresses.
Father tell me, "Sergio, women will never love you for who you are, this is why you need to become great American director. Then babes like Alyissa Malano and Sally Field will want to sleep with you for good part in movie" I tell my father I want to meet nice girl and have her love Sergio for Sergio, But my father hit me and tell me to make him chicken pot pie. He call me dumb ass.
Sergio always want to make father proud, so current movie is called "American Bikini Bimbo Bash" Location will be on beach in sunny California and woman will be required to sleep with Sergio for part, even secretary part with one line. I have casting session and no one show up! Sergio put out flyers at local supermarket and church. But Sergio determined. I go to beach and film women anyway I point camera at them and say "I make movie, you want to be in it?" some woman laugh and say yes. They embaressed, but can not resist Sergios charm. I tell them they need to come to Sergio's house tonight and "get the busy on" in order to be in film. They yell at me and life guard hit me with boogie board. After father bail Sergio out, he beat me till my skin fell off. Why Sergio have problems with American culture? Sergio miss old country.
-Sergio.
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J.Brugmann
Awww, crap. Posted 10-9-2000 23:20
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This "guy" was poking around the AMDB message board.
And now he's here! I'd say 1/4 posts are actually funny, but it's mostly bad sex jokes.
===
JoHn
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Sergio
Sergio Film Festival! Come join! Posted 10-16-2000 00:28
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Hallo friends it's Sergio! Just wanted to post to internet friends that Sergio is starting own film festival called "Sergio Slam 2000" It will be held in my house. My father watch your film and be judge. If he don't like he say "get out!" if he like, well then he say "eh that was okay, Sergio your friend okay in my book...he can stay" Mother make mozzaballs and garlic bread while we watch films on couch. If Uncle Vincenzo show up drunk just ignore him, he likes to talk bad about black people at job, please don't pay any attention, Sergio turn up volume on TV when he show up. Prizes for film slam will be sergio's old dresser and possibly a gift certificate for Shakey's, this is all Sergio have, but Film festival is what Sergio love! Sergio love film and want others to share in this joy! Unless film features nudity, vulgar language, violence, any sexual references. My mother have pacemaker and is very religious. If film makes father mad he may hit you. But still join up for film festival. Mother bought 25 pounds of meat for occasion and father will beat me if it goes to waste. Details about film fest are on my webstage: www.Sergioslam200.com
-Sergio
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Apocalypse2001
meat huh? Posted 10-16-2000 05:23
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Do you know what kind of meat your mother bought? I think I would be rather interested in the consumption of dead animals and such. The movies that we make might get a little vulgar, but if your father tries anything I'll have his legs broken and his tongue removed. Hope to see you and all these other amateur film junkies there!
Jesse Sorgatz
Blanc Screen Cinema
P.S. Also, would your parents be adverse to me bringing some Venezuelan beaver Cheese?
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tygerbug
the cat's eaten it.
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I bet Sergio likes Venezuelan beaver.
Although in some posts Sergio seems a little gay or bisexual ...
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Mike
Interested Posted 10-16-2000 15:09
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Give us an address to send tapes to, along with a phone number. You can send it to me via e-mail. Then I can check to see if the address is legit and call you for more information about your film festival. We at GMP would love to have our films in your festival. I think your father would like our films.
-Mike
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tygerbug
um Posted 10-17-2000 03:18
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Sorry to break this to ya, GMP Mike, but Sergio isn't, um ... how do I put this? Let's just say the link at the end of the post doesn't work and leave it at that. Any more discussion of this would spoil something that wasn't all that interesting to begin with.
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gmp mike
CRAP! Posted 10-17-2000 06:26
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Are you saying Sergio isn't a real person??!?!! That it's some jag off who thinks he's funny? Awww I was really interested in joining his film festival :( oh well there's always Cannes, but it's not quite Sergiofest2000
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Sergio
Sergio's Halloween Nightmare Posted 10-31-2000 07:04
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Hallo all this is Sergio. I want to tell all that I finish movie for Halloween called "Look out! GHOST!" it's about haunted mansion and girl who gets lost in it with boyfriend. Boyfriend take girl into room and say "come on baby, give me that hot stuff" girl say NO! boyfriend grab her and say "listen here, give me the hot good stuff" then girl see ghost coming from behind and say "Look out ghost!" boy too excited to care (thinking about adult love) and he get head cut off by demon spirit. Sergio show film to father and father love it! He pat Sergio on back when boy get killed and say "Wow Sergio! you are no longer embarressment to family! I no longer wish you were never born!" Mother made mozzaballs and father love them too, he say "It is a rare night! I have no reason to beat either of you!" later mother and me thank jesus for protecting us on this halloween eve. Same night Hans and Peter show up, father answer door. Hans and peter say they want to see film they were in. Father say "Halloween film?" they say yes. Then Father say, "No, you make mistake only girl and guy in film" Hans say, No I was girl with wig on, girl not show up" Father break Sergio's door down with sledge hammer and tell me Halloween will be very scary this year for Sergio. Mother pray rosary for Sergio, but it not help. Father shove plastic pumpkin down Sergio's throat till face turn blue, then he whip me with belt. Father have bad drinking problem, please help.
-Sergio
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Tews
Three cheers for Sergio's dad Posted 10-31-2000 15:14
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Oh, let's thank Sergio's dad for doing what we've all wanted to do since he arrived on this and the AMDB's message board... and that is give him a real good shit kickin'. Sergio's father is now my true "real life" hero. Way to go dad!!!
Erik
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gmpmike
I agree Posted 10-31-2000 15:51
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I agree, sergios dad kicks ass....literally!
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Sergio
How Sergio Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Rock Posted 11-3-2000 08:49
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Hallo Friends it's Sergio! I just wanted to say I love the american rock! I went to show tonight called Limp Bisquick and I must say It entertained me. Man at gate took video camera I brought and smashed it, but that's okay it was falling apart. I see band and they loud and yelling. I also see opening act called Screamhead, they suck, people push me around and hit me! I say CALL POLICE!!, but hans tell me it's called american moshing, I say it crazy! When I get home I tell my father about rocking concert and most importantly about the moshing pit. I say father, Americans have pastime where you go to concert to hear music and hit people at the same time. I tell him that he should go see concert so that he would no longer have to hit mother and me. Father laugh, he think funny. Later on Sergio keep door open knowing well that father would kick it in and beat me for my earlier comments, but he did not. Father asleep in bed with mother. Sergio say to himself, father not beat me? This is strange I thank Limp Bisquick for their music it has brought me peace in my home. Someday I make movie about my experience called Sergio Love America! Land of Opportunity.....and Rock!
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tygerbug
... Posted 11-3-2000 11:31
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Sergio seems to make a quite casual Kubrick reference for someone of Sergio's Sergio status, don't you think?
Never mind, I like this side of Sergio. I almost wish I could walk right up to him and hit him myself.
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Sergio
Whya you nota like the Sergio? Posted 11-29-2000 05:31
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Sergio not like amature movies no more! Sergio ask for help and you shun! Sergio come to America after seeing great film makers like Steven Spielberg and Dennis the Mennis want to make film! Sergio's dream has been to make great american film like Citizen Kane or Showgirls and what happen? Sergio get laughed at! Sergio get beat up by black guy in subway, Sergio get bottle shoved in asshole at rave! Why this happen to Sergio! Now Sergio ask for help after eating bad eggs and Sergio no see post! Where did post go? When Sergio was 12 father give him advise he said, "Sergio my son, the world is what you make it.....now make me a chicken pot pie or I'll beat the living hell out of you" I have always interprited the wise words of my father to mean that the world is a cruel and competitve place and unless you go out and make a chicken pot pie it will beat you. Since then Sergio have always strided to become what was destined to be - a film maker, even though road may be a tough one. But Film maker need help! and no one help Sergio! Sergio have no training, no actors, but do have big video camera from 1980 and a blank tape of dreams. Sergio will show you all! Sergio will make the next Barenaked Witch Project and show you all who the best film maker is! Father will be proud of Sergio!
P.S. Sergio new film "Look out Ghost!" for sale at my webcam at www:Sergiofilms:COM
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tygerbug
.. Posted 11-29-2000 06:16
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I'm still sad that Sergio's website doesn't actually work. Call me a fan.
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Jay BlancScreen
censorship issues Posted 11-29-2000 13:26
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What's with deleting a Sergio post from here? Is Sergio telling the truth? Did his last post get deleted from the board? Since when does REwind endorse censorship? Sergio is a symol of free speech and should not be silenced!
Jay
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Tews
Get rid of him! Posted 11-29-2000 19:54
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Sergio is a fucking douche-bag who SHOULD be banned from this message board. I don't know who is behind this Sergio character but there is nothing funny about him. His jokes are immature, childish and uncalled for. This all started at the AMDB and it should be stopped right here, right now. Plus, he is making a mockery of the amateur film world and honestly I don't appreciate it. And really, there is nothing funny about child abuse.... but in this case I hope this Sergio character gets the fucking hell beaten out of him by more then just his father. Actually, I think my next film will be "THE SEVERE BEATING OF SERGIO!" I'm sure it will be a big hit!
Peace love and happiness and death to Sergio... Jon get rid of him!
Erik Woods
TEWS Entertainment
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Jay BlancScreen
Sergio bad, REwind good Posted 11-29-2000 15:51
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"A mockery of the amateur film world"? I think someone's taking this a tad too seriously. Don't get me wrong, I love amateur movies, but is it really worth getting so upset about something so insignificant?
Jay
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Sergio
No get rid of Sergio! Posted 11-29-2000 16:54
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Sergio think child abbuse a serious topic! Sergio ask for help when father beat me. Do you help no! Should Sergio be "band" no! Sergio should not be "banned" Sergio does best to write good english, but not even make mistake that bad! But Sergio might form band if you have bass player, my father play drums. Please if no one like Sergio will go away :( but I just try to make film and people laugh, why they laugh!
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CINEMAPEN
AIN'T NOTHIN' WRONG WITH A LITTLE SERGIO... Posted 11-29-2000 18:29
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C'mon guys...
It's funny. Whoever's doing it is having a good time, and it's not really mean-spirited, so why the heck not?
I always end up reading Sergio posts. I say let him have his say.
J.
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Tews
Do you guys have any pride in what you make? Posted 11-29-2000 19:55
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You know... I've noticed a lot of interesting things in the past couple of months or so and I come to the conclusion that most of you guys don't even take any pride in what you produce. You know what, it DOES offend me when someone starts screwing around with our "hobby" because let me tell you that if this was any other site and some loser like Sergio started spewing at the mouth with all of his ridiculous and useless posts then he would have been tossed ages ago. I love what I do and I love making movies. I just don't understand why some of you don't defend your work and your hobby. I'm sure if someone started bad mouthing or making fun of lets say your favorite sports team, and don't get me started on the Leafs, then I'm sure you would have a different take on the situation. What I'm saying is that some of you consider what you do to be crap and the worst things anyone has ever seen. I know it's fun making movies and all but if you don't have pride in your work then why the hell do you do bother. And why do you get upset when someone writes a bad review for your "crap" movie when it really is crap because you said it was.
It's confusing... but hey... if you guys like Sergio and his stupidity so be it. Enjoy!
Erik Woods
TEWS Entertainment
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John
As one of the aforementioned readers Posted 11-30-2000 21:17
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I say LET THE BEATINGS CONTINUE!, and I can't wait to order my copy of "Look Out Ghost!"
John,
A mild mannered, and not heatedly opionated, reader.
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superfoo
LOOK OUT GHOST! Posted 12-1-2000 17:26
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Guys, just checked out the trailer for Sergio's "Look Out Ghost" over at www.sergiofilms.com.
GREAT
- That Star Wars reference in Italian
- Nice music by Stewart Copeland
- Good editing
BAD
- It needs subtitles
- Broke the 180 rule a few times
- David Hasselhoff appearance
Enjoy it everyone... it's at www.sergiofilms.com.
I'm lucky my browser got through; I hear the traffic is heavy.
- Dan / Random Foo
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Sergio
Sergio vist L.A! Posted 12-1-2000 18:05
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Hallo "friends" it's Sergio! I want to say that Sergio write from L.A., land of movies! Sergio come to California for Gold Rush, but man at tourist center tell Sergio he is over 100 years too late. I think father play cruel joke on Sergio! Sergio just bring shovel and no money, so off to magic Sergio go! Sergio see many sites of Hollywood. Prostitutes, homeless veterans, sexual miscreants, drug users, and Carrot Top. Sergio see sign. "Film Festival!" and dream come true! Festival have American Movies! Free admission! So Sergio go in and get seat. Film that play is something called "We shall not forget". Sergio ask person sitting in next seat what film about. They say, "It's about the nazis in world war two and how they...." Sergio stop him, that's all Sergio need to hear! If Sergio know anything about Nazis' and American films it's that it will be all action and adventure! Film start. Sad violin music play during credits, Sergio bored. Sergio want excitement! Sergio yell," Where is American Action Star Indiana Jones!" people say "sssh" Sergio wait and nothing exciting happen. Sergio yell out loud again "Sergio want to see John Wayne shoot nazi!" people say ssssh even louder. So Sergio go to lobby where food is at. mmmm Food from Sergio's home country, Pizza! Sergio take bite, father would love this! Back in film Sergio get seat in balcony and look around. Below Sergio see something that say "Holocaust Survivor Section" when Sergio lean over to see better pizza fall! It land in hair of old lady! People begin to yell and scream and Sergio run out of theater! What happened, Sergio not understand! America is land of movies and magic, why this happen to Sergio!
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John
That name thing Posted 12-4-2000 04:28
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After reading Sergio's most recent post I have to say I kind of feel sorry for the guy.....and I know just the thing to cheer him up.
Sergio seems a bit lost and a bit depressed. After all if you were new to America and your father was an alcoholic and abusive person you would be lonely too.
What I am suggesting is that someone start a Sergio Fansite!.
Yes folks, just think about it, a site where you could go to talk with the legendary indy filmmaker Sergio! A place where you could go to discuss his newest work with him and his fans. Personally I would be a big fan of such an idea, and would help out anybody with the know how to organize and produce such an adventure.
What does everyone say?
John
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Sergio
American Zombie Hot Wax Bikini-Bimbo Car Wash From Hell 2 Posted 12-31-2000 06:13
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I right to you from my basement, father has used my bedroom for sex den. He say "Sergio, you 29 years old now! Time to get out!" My mother pray he will feel different, but Sergio think not, Sergios last film flopped. Mother had one credit card and Sergio maxumed it out to buy equipment and lights and pay stripper to star in film. Film called "Zombie Girl Hot Wax Car Wash 2: Adventures in Time" it was loosely based sequel to American Film Beverly Hills Cop starring world war 2 action hero Audie Murphy. But Sergio still have lots to learn about American Culture. Stripper named Sindy come to set she say "Where my water!" sergio show her toilet, "You need use?" she say "My Bottle of Natural Spring water, like duh, where's craft service?" Sergio not understand " You service my craft!!! Take clothes off for scene!!" she do. Scene call for hot vampire stripper putting hot wax on sports car in California sun, but Sergio just have rusty old Mazda and snow on ground. Sindy tell Sergio to "get bent" and leave!
Sergio call Hans to Wax car with wig on but Hans say "NO! he go see paper view wrestling!" what this is Sergio know not. Then father smash Sergio camera and say "work in fishery or live on streets with american bums!" All Sergio want to do is make American films much like Das Boot and Battleship Potempkin! Why world hate Sergio, everyone talk about fancy computers and DVD? what is this? Sergio know not! HELP!!!!
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Wally_Fong
What?!?!?!?!?! Posted 12-31-2000 09:11
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As Tom Cruise said in MI:2
"You've got to be kidding me"
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Rusty Hoot
Sergio Movie? Posted 12-31-2000 22:33
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I wanna make a movie about Sergio trying to make a movie! What a character.
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Sergio
No Movie! Posted 1-1-2001 22:50
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Rusty Hoot Sucky Hoot! Not movie bout Sergio! unless Sergio get lot of adult love
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Sergio
Look Out....LUDWIG!! Posted 3-10-2001 07:21
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Hallo Friends It's SERGIO! The other day Hans say "Sergio, we go to dance club and find flying american women!" Sergio up for hot adult love whenever possible. Since Sergio last adventure at Rave, Sergio understand more of American Culture. Snap Caps, Frizzilars, and Swizzle Sticks, are forms of narcotics. and if someone offers you a stamp it's not for mailing letter to mom! Sergio put on sunday best and ready to go to rave to meet future wife, or maybe just settle for what americans call a slut. In car Hans say we go to Grave, not rave. Sergio think Grave is strange place to meet girl, but Hans say Grave is place like Rave, but for Goth people. THey play black metal remixing. Sergio lost at this point, but with sunday best on and brut cologne what can go wrong!
Club is loud and people give strange looks. People look weird! Like horror movie! I say - where is Marilyn Monroe! Then Sergio see him. Ludwig! He has camera and is shooting scene for movie. Ludwig tell actors playing Vampires "dance, spit blood! Dance!" Scene looks great. Sergio say "I make movie too! I make film call look out ghost!" Sergio get pushed down. Ludwig spit and say " I come from Germany to America to make movie, get lost euro-trash!" Sergio shocked!
Next week at film festival Sergio see Ludwig. Ludwig say "I make movie called Space Vampire Pirates from the center of the solar system, he say film star guy who played in TV show Charles in Charge. Sergio not belive the hype, but it true! Ludwig's film have Charles in Charge. People Cheer when Charles bites neck of beautiful girl. Sergio see scene that was shot at goth grave club! Amazing! People clap and cheer. Sergio's film "look out ghost" come on. For once Sergio see faults. people see director in mirror, you can hear Mom talking to imigration officer on phone in next room, see tripod lying on couch, actor is boy with wig on, and worse of all - NO CHARLES IN CHARGE! People boo and and say what is this? Then Ludwig win award! He make joke at podium about how bad Look out Ghost was and want his lost time of life back! People laugh and agree, Sergio slump in his chair. Mother, Father, Grandma, and Grandpa look embarressed and sad for Sergio, well father look angry, but everyone else look sad. Sergio will find out where Ludwig lives and stop him from making more movie! Sergio just want to rip off Scream like all other film makers in America! What went wrong! Someone please help Sergio! What do wrong!!!!???
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Jay BlancScreen
... Posted 3-11-2001 07:47
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I was actually starting to miss Sergio. Hey, Sergio, you coming to the RMA festival? I can't wait to see "Look Out Ghost!"
Jay
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Jon
Ludwig.. Posted 3-11-2001 08:43
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Look Out Ghost will suck, why enter.. now this Ludwig guy, he sounds like the man. I'm gonna order copies of his movies right now, and while I waiting I'll think of how badly Sergio sucks. Man does he suck.
Jon
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Jon
Aww, you guys.. (givin' noogies to Jason and Derek) Posted 3-29-2001 19:26
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Everyone here is just terrific. Except maybe Sergio.. 'Look Out! Ghost' was predictable and flat.
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Sergio!
Movie not make itself! Posted 4-20-2001 07:12
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Hallo friends, Today is day I go on field trip to television studio where they film famous American children's TV show "Seasame Street Show" Uncle Vincenzo get me on tour cause he work as janitor on set. He say "eh, my nephew Sergio make movie" so they say I can come on to see set and how magic happen!!! So Sergio go, and I figured friends in low budget website would like to hear tale! I first walk in studio to see many large bright lights. These must be what shine so bright? I see street and door way of seasame street!. I say where oskar? I try to open door to bakery, door open, but no bakery inside? Just 2x4's, electrical cable, and other junk? Man explain to me why so many lights are needed to make set look like it outdoors. Set? I say. He say set. I say "why not shoot on real seasame street. He say there is no real seasame street. I tell him there is! I see it on TV!! He tell me to relax. He make me mad so I tell him NO!! You relax!! He then call for something called security? What this is I soon find out. Men grab me and drag me out! I say "I just want to see real seasame street!" then I see Big Bird!! and what happen next will haunt dreams forever. Big Bird pull off his own head! Man with beard murder big bird and wear his skin like suit! someone tell Bugs and Dafy to help, crazy people have taken over Seasame Street!!
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Wally_Fong
Sergio a pastry chef? Posted 4-20-2001 23:09
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Cause whatever your baking in your kitchen lemme in on the reciepe. Cause I'm sure your a masturbater er... I mean master baker...
Wally..
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Jon
Could Sergio be at the fest? Posted 6-28-2001 00:28
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We at REwind are pleased to announce that we will be taking The Bags, Justice and Voice of Reason out of the festival lineup so that we can run the Sergio debut, 'Look Out! Ghost!' over and over. According to Sergio's review of his own movie, it's got a scary ghost and 'adult love'. Of course this itinerary change will only happen if Sergio shows up and introduces the film himself on stage.
Yes, I'm kidding. Sergio! You must come to festival and bring mother's meatballs with you for all!
Jon
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sergio Posted 6-28-2001 05:50
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sergio will be there. try and find me.
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Sergio
Does Sergio Dream of Electric Sheep? Posted 7-23-2001 17:08
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Hello my friends it Sergio! I make back from home country and totally forget to go to rewind movie magic awards. Deepest appologies. I see many sheep in home country and even see release of new American Film "Bubbles love me" starring Tickle Me Elmo. It suck, but Sergio must always see new Woody Allen film when it come out.
Reason for going to old country was Father need to see his dying grandmother, she was 112 years old. Father cry at her bed side while she pass away. Sergio stand by playing gameboy. As Grandmootie pass on into next life, Sergio pass on to next level in Tetris! Father break Gameboy and tell me Grandmootie secretly hated me. He storm out of room.
Now that grandmootie finally die it was time to return to America! Sergio love old country, but love America even more. Old Country does not have things America does. like good movies, raves, and fast food! However, Sergio's love of American greed come back to haunt him. Other night Sergio have terrible dream. Sergio traped in rectangular video game screen. ten feet above I see Grandmootie!! Her face is blue and she is half decomposed. She laughing at Sergio and throwing down tetris pieces. Sergio catch them and try to form puzzle, but Sergio not fast enough!!! Pieces fall and hit Sergio in head, Grandmootie laugh louder and more often. Pieces keep coming as she throw them at me. Faster and Faster!! Sergio can't keep up and soon is trapped!! suffocated!!.... Sergio wake up in cold sweat. Was it dream? Or was grandmootie haunting Sergio from beyond the grave for playing gameboy while she died? Sergio will never know. Dream was scary cause Sergio could not form puzzle, can you?
-Sergio
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Sergio
Noon Beast Posted 10-12-2001 04:11
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Hallo friends, my name is Sergio and I write script other day called "Noon Beast" and we film movie same day!! Noon Beast about a giant beast that only come out at noon! to feast!!!! booo! father read screenplay and then hit me with can of beer and say "Sergio! Beast come out at midnight! midnight is scary, noon is in broad daylight! that not scary!" I tell father to go to hell and he leaves drunk to go drive school bus (father lost job at fishery due to incident with co-worker of ethnicity and some name calling) I tell father that noontime is lunch time and that when beast feed........he feed...... on people going on their lunch breaks! He tell me I stupid. Mother say she love script and so Noon Beast maybe scary if get good mask at Osco. I tell her "NO!" we get mask at K-Mart!! they much better!! she cry. So I go to shoot movie on main street. Hans show up and say "where girl?" Girl not show up again. So Hans say, "Noon beast really comes out at night because you have no lights, right" I not say anything, but action! Klaus is wearing mask and here come old lady. Klaus knock old lady down and start to bite her skin. She yell for police, but instead we see school bus coming up street swerving out of control! we hear sounds of children screaming, bus tip over and crash into post office. Klaus run up to bus and open emergency door. He help children out of back one by one as Hans film footage for extra! Kids say "Noon beast is our hero!" but I say NO! noon beast is monster! MONSTER!....... but maybe father is real monster. who drives school bus drunk. Hmmmmm maybe Noon Beast isn't so bad after all?
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tygerbug
... Posted 10-14-2001 04:55
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To paraphrase the ad campaign for Neil Simon's "The Goodbye Girl":
Thank you Sergio, for making us laugh at love. Again.
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Sergio
Goodbye Friends! Posted 11-15-2001 21:09
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Hallo and Goodbye! Sergio write last post to say goodbye to amature movie friends as I move back to home land. In America Sergio fail as film maker, but had good time making movies! even if girl not show up. Here are my favorite movies I have made.
1. Look out Ghost
2. Look out Ghost 2: look out again
3. Look out Ghost 3: Why haven't you looked?!
4. The basement may be haunted
5. Jack and Jill make baby (adult love film)
6. Father beat Mother (sergio accidentally left camera on, but make for great comedy film)
Tommorrow I move back to homeland and will not have access to computer any more. Sergio will continue life on farm as sheep hearder, but who knows....ghost may show up.... take care friends! and best of luck to you and your movies!
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