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read all the news from 2004, archived read all the news from 2003, archived read all the news from 2002, archived read all the news from 2001, archived read all the news from 2000, archived For the very latest news, stay tuned to FFrevolution.com. n e w n e w s Orange Cow Presents is on TV! Adelphia customers in most of Los Angeles can see it mondays at 11:00 PM, on Channel 98, or Channel 77 in the Santa Monica area. We are also going to be airing on various Comcast stations. Our schedule may change so I'll keep you posted. Officially working on three TV pilots now. The first is an ambitious sci-fi comedy project starring a cast of all puppets. They are aliens who are trying to take over the world, but are all right really. I need to raise some money, if this is ever going to get off the ground. The pilot script is very funny, and was written with the help of Daniel Geduld. I'm doing some work on my animated pilots The Chosen Ones and Dance With Grandpa. Pilot scripts are nearly completed for both. The Chosen Ones is missing an ending, and Dance With Grandpa gets a little sketchy toward the end. I plan to record voices for both these pilots as soon as possible, and then sit down and do way too many drawings, if I ever have time. I need an agent. I'm doing casting now for a whole bunch of different projects, including my musical The Dead Can't Dance (formerly Musical of the Living Dead) and a sci-fi comedy project, Flowers For a Dying Sun. I'm broke - almost got kicked out of the place I'm living here. Not sure if I've dodged that bullet yet. But I keep on trying. Journal of a struggling filmmaker in L.A. Orange Cow on L.A. TV! Adelphia and Cox Cable, and for rental http://orangecow.org/videos/ocppresentsintro2.mov (12 MB) Orange Cow Presents - 2005 season - opening title sequence. Enjoy. http://www.ffrevolution.com/1ocpvideos/ocp...singmontage.mov (46 MB) "The Sun is Always Rising" (Ken Thornton) - montage of clips from Orange Cow movies. 
Orange Cow Presents is on the air! Adelphia customers in most of Los Angeles can see it on tuesday, November 15th, at 11:00 PM, on Channel 98, or Channel 77 in the Santa Monica area. We'll be airing tuesdays at 11 PM from now on, it looks like. The show has also been approved by the Comcast station in Hollywood, and another station is approving it. So pretty much all of L.A. will be able to see the show at some point. And we're gonna be airing on some station elsewhere in the country thanks to Aaron Snyder. But I forget where. I've been living here for six years, but I've never had a cable access show in L.A. My stuff has aired all over the country, most notably in Illinois and Wisconsin but also in Texas and some other places I forget. Lots of places. We were randomly written up in Gear Magazine in '01 as one of their 10 best cable access shows in the country, which was bizarre, but which I keep mentioning since it sounds official and nice. So, for the first time, I'm putting a half-hour version of Orange Cow Presents on the air here in L.A. The opening title sequence is set to "Innertube TV," the theme song from a Jim Henson pilot in the early 90s which never got picked up (it changed into The Jim Henson Hour). I thought it would be fun to use an old rejected 80s-style theme tune, and actually use it. It gives it a slightly retro vibe which I enjoy. The show will show the Orange Cow short films, and feature films. I've taped host segments for the pieces, talking about and introducing the shows, with the occasional help of a dog who happened to be there the first day I was taping. So there's that. 
And thanks to Video Journeys of Los Angeles (Glendale area), who are providing the Orange Cow movies for rent at their store. They have five Orange Cow titles now - Shorts Volume 1, Gods of Los Angeles, Ghostbusted Trilogy, Indulgence, and even Deleted Magic. I wasn't going to give Deleted Magic to them to rent out, but the guy didn't mind - he said, hey, Lucasfilm isn't going to come in here and shut it down. Rental is free of charge (so hey, no Lucasfilm infringement) as part of their "local filmmakers" section. On my way out, he asked if these discs were any good. I said yes. (Because I hadn't expected to give them the Deleted Magic disc for rent, the rental disc is actually my master copy! Or what used to be my master copy anyway. Guess it isn't anymore.) Video Journeys. 2730 Griffith Park Blvd., Los Angeles CA 90027. While editing the opening titles for the new show, I also cut together a montage of Orange Cow clips set to Ken Thornton's lovely "The Sun is Always Rising" ... Here it is. http://www.ffrevolution.com/1ocpvideos/ocp...singmontage.mov I'm going to upload my standup set in Laguna Beach from September also. Orange Cow Presents 2005 edition Episode Guide: Episode 1: Squiffy the Derelict Cat, For Science, Gods of Los Angeles trailer 1, Indulgence trailer, Radio Man trailer Episode 2: Mort (Originally part of an hourlong cut of episode 1 - bumped to its own episode when I had to cut the show down to 28 minutes.) Episode 3: Lover's Poison, I've Been Mocked Enough, The Cancer Episode 4: The Journey of Truesong, Stripped Away Episode 5: Music for the Mind Ballet, Beautiful Zelda, Gods of Los Angeles trailer 2 (This was originally episode 3, but had to be bumped down lower because of a problem with the DVD.) Episode 1: Squiffy the Derelict Cat, For Science, Gods of Los Angeles trailer 1, Indulgence trailer, Radio Man trailer Episode 2: Mort (Originally part of an hourlong cut of episode 1 - bumped to its own episode when I had to cut the show down to 28 minutes.) Episode 3: Lover's Poison, I've Been Mocked Enough, The Cancer Episode 4: The Journey of Truesong, Stripped Away Episode 5: Music for the Mind Ballet, Beautiful Zelda, Gods of Los Angeles trailer 2 (This was originally episode 3, but had to be bumped down lower because of a problem with the DVD.) Episode 6: Ghostbusted, Squiffy Meets Giffy Episode 7: Ghostbusted 2, part 1 Episode 8: Ghostbusted 2, part 2 Episode 9: Ghostbusted 3 clip, Torgo and the Quest For Fuck, Excaliburger and Gorilla Interrupted trailers Episode 10: Gods of Los Angeles part 1 Episode 11: Gods of Los Angeles part 2 Episode 12: Gods of Los Angeles part 3 Episode 13: Gods of Los Angeles part 4 Episode 14: Gods of Los Angeles part 5 Episode 15: Gods of Los Angeles part 6 Episode 16: Gods of Los Angeles part 7 First four episodes are scheduled at Adelphia! The first 16 episodes have already been put together. Gods of Los Angeles begins airing on the tenth week of the show. I may bump it forward to get it shown sooner, but that's currently where it begins. It airs in seven parts, and works surprisingly well as an episodic drama. There are naturally lots of cliffhangers in the film which work really well as episode ending cliffhangers. Some deleted material has been reinstated for the TV airing of the film - Five scenes featuring David Maddox's Clifford performing his stand-up routine, which were cut out because there was no place in the film to put them, have been included as introductions to to the last five of the episodes. Okay, so what's my next movie? I am beginning pre-production and casting now on several different projects. Five projects, to be exact. I am starting so many projects at once because I want to throw a lot of things up in the air and see what sticks. The project that develops the most momentum will be the one I really go ahead with. If more than one project develops momentum, I will work on more than one project at once. Wish me luck. New video! Garrett Gilchrist Live in Laguna Beach - Standup comedy! http://www.ffrevolution.com/1ocpvideos/ggs...lagunabeach.mov (39 MB) Here it is at last, the infamous standup set from September that I performed at the Laguna Beach Brewing Company. I was asked not to come back and do it again. My original account of that night. http://ffrevolution.com/InvisionBoard/inde...t=ST&f=2&t=1004 It's a pretty funny set. From about 5 minutes into this clip I think I'm rather proud of it, not before that though. I don't like watching this clip at all partly because I criticize my own delivery, and most of the real jokes just fall completely dead on the audience, who are barely paying attention. The comments about the girl who left me over and over (Lisa Bendelstein was her name) are among those that fall totally dead. Oh well. (That's the first part of the performance I actually like, but it gets no response.) Also, the layout of the room was so awful that it threw me and I don't even get into doing my actual material for about 1 or 2 minutes, I just ramble on til then very improvvy. My actual set, what I'd written and planned to do, got pretty screwed up but that always happens. The video quality is very poor - you should have seen it before I brightened it, the room was totally dark and you couldn't even see me with your eyes, much less this crappy camera. However, the sound is quite clear. This was shot by Laurie Weiland. I've framed this clip with short clips of host Lynn Epstein doing her thing, and a clip of the guy who came on after me beginning by commenting on my performance, twice. This will help to frame the night for you and let you know what I was up against. Orange Cow Color Guide: To Obscure Characters All on the same page (broadband) http://orangecow.org/colorguides/viewall.html One at a time (dialup) http://orangecow.org/colorguides/ As part of a secret project I might be working on, it was necessary for me to go through my old character designs, including drawings I did 12 years ago which are pretty horrible looking today, pick out ones that had certain qualities to them, color them in, and post them online as a guide. So here it is - in color - a guide to some of the more obscure characters I've designed over the years. Thought it might be nice to post because this is the first time I've posted some of this art online - some of it, in fact, comes from the kids' show pitches I did for Nickelodeon, unsuccessfully .... like the color images of my old elementary school characters Rob Rabbit, Ralph Aardvark, Margaret, Jeans Johnson, Opus, etc ... A lot of the art ain't great, but it's an interesting thing to look at, there. New Star Wars DVD art! With thanks to Coov, whose work inspired these designs. 
Large: http://orangecow.org/starwars/swcovers-ocp...tedmagicnew.jpg The image of Biggs etc. on the front was black and white. I colorized it, and Photoshopped a different face onto Luke. This was quite intense Photoshoppery. I also had to fix some flaws in the Japanese ESB poster to get this - 
Large version: http://orangecow.org/starwars/swcovers-ocp...sbnewbigweb.jpg Luke, Lando the "starburst" and part of Cloud City were taken from a low quality version of the Australian poster (which was retouched and fixed from the Japanese poster) and I changed the entire color scheme. Difficult Photoshoppery. 
Large: http://orangecow.org/starwars/swcovers-ocp...eclassicnew.jpg 
Large: http://orangecow.org/starwars/swcovers-ocp.../newempire2.jpg 
Large: http://orangecow.org/starwars/swcovers-ocp...ssicdiscart.jpg And now, have a look at the great designs that Coov did. http://kevin.alfahosting.org/test/picKLE-a...ssic%20wood.jpg http://kevin.alfahosting.org/test/picKLE-a...cpmovie-esb.jpg http://kevin.alfahosting.org/test/picKLE-a...pmovie-esbA.jpg http://kevin.alfahosting.org/test/picKLE-a...TED%20MAGIC.jpg http://kevin.alfahosting.org/test/picKLE-a...ED%20MAGIC2.jpg 
http://orangecow.org/starwars/swcovers-nonocp/ Here it is - a folder full of designs for Deleted Magic and the Classic Editions done by people other than me. Lot of Coov stuff here, I've also included his "Trading Card" set for the O-OT. A nice set. http://orangecow.org/starwars/swcovers-ocp/ And here is a folder full of the official Deleted Magic and Classic Edition & etc covers done by me. 
Ghostbusted DVD art? HAHAHAHAHHA WHY? I should explain. There's a video store near here called Video Journeys. Actually pretty cool, a little mom & pop store run by people who love cult movies, so they have a good selection of obscure good films. They also have a section for local filmmakers. The rentals are free for one day. I actually recognized one of the names there - the guy from Channel 101. I thought it was nice that someone would be able to rent low-budgeters by local filmmakers, and I instantly wanted to give them a full library of Orange Cow films. But I had never designed Amaray cases or DVD art for some of the movies I wanted to put there! I never did an Amaray case or final poster for Gods of Los Angeles. I also wanted to give them some of the stranger stuff like Ghostbusted and **********. So the last couple days I've gone ahead and designed Amaray cases (and disc art) for Gods of Los Angeles, Ghostbusted and **********. For Video Journeys. Kerry, who lives here, has a lovely printer that he's letting me use, so I'm able to print these things out in very high quality. It's nice to see them finally in proper cases getting the respect they deserve, or, in the case of Ghostbusted, not deserve at all! Party hearty. As for the Ghostbusted poster art, the photos I had to work with were awful, but I did nice things with them I think. I really darkened them carefully to make them look less "flash-y" and awful. You should have seen them before. Jason Santo never posed for a cast photo, so his head is from a screen grab, with his body a combination of Jonason Ho (waist up) and Mike Stoklasa (waist down). Mike is also a different head on another Mike body. And the tip of my gun is a Mike gun. Warren is from a screen grab. 
Here we are then. This is the sixth, and probably final, poster design for Gods of Los Angeles. I had to come up with something new specifically designed for a DVD case. Spent today working on it and came up with this. Note how the heads of Rhonda/Clifford/Lily form a triangle, and all the cast members' faces form a pleasing curve/circle ... especially the small pictures of Bruce/Rhonda/Jules/Martha which form a very clear half-circle. This just kind of happened, and I like the shapes and movement going on in the design. The design is inspired by the previous design, which had a sunset with Rhonda up in the sky and Lily at the bottom. The sunset is a bit brighter this time round, so Rhonda isn't quite as well integrated, and I miss the "hug" picture of Bruce and Rhonda and the palm trees at bottom, but otherwise this is an improvement. Note that the supporting cast shows up in this poster, for the first time. Clifford is featured prominently - I hate to feature him so much larger than Bruce, but there are more good photos of Clifford than there are of Bruce ... anyway Bruce gets his due on the back cover, and people have wanted to see Clifford on the poster in some form. You'll also spot Jules on there, small from a screen grab from the film rather than a photo - Rhonda/Bruce, Rhonda and Martha are also from screen grabs. The inclusion of Julie Kenworth as Martha Masters is an odd one, as she's such a minor character, but I thought it would be nice to feature the film's female cast prominently on the poster. They look better on posters than the guys do. Actually, a lot of decisions here were made to avoid using photos of the cast posing looking directly at the camera (like the picture of Bruce and Rhonda you see on the back). Way too many of my photos of the cast are like this. For the photos of Lily, Clifford, Bruce and Rhonda I actually took faces and torsos from different photos and put them on the bodies of wider shots, to get full-body shots. Which you don't get to see in Clifford and LIly's cases, as the figures are cropped at the waist ... but they go down further, they do. The "Los Angeles" view at the bottom is pretty dull, I kind of dulled it, softened it, diffused it and greyed it out so it wouldn't overwhelm the composition, but maybe I should have chosen a cheerier picture. I also wish I had a more romantic picture of Bruce/Rhonda there on the front. The previous version had a grab of them hugging, which I liked the emotion of, but decided not to use again because it's an ugly picture of both of them. Hm. Otherwise, I'm quite proud of this composition and I think it'll do nicely for the DVD cases here. Compare with previous posters: 
Joshua Klein, DVD columnist for the Chicago Tribune, interviewed me today. He's not a huge fan of Deleted Magic but enjoyed the Star Wars Classic Edition disc a lot, and we talked at length about Originaltrilogy.com and the ways fans are finding to preserve these classic movies and give them the respect they deserve. We talked about a lot of things so I have no idea what he's going to use. He'll be doing an article about Classic Edition and the O-OT in ... tuesday's paper I think? Coming soon. I am SO going to get sued by Lucasfilm. Chicago Tribune `Star Wars' fans seek long, long ago edition By Joshua Klein Special to the Tribune A little more than a year ago, millions of "Star Wars" fans finally got their wish granted with the release of the original "Star Wars" trilogy--"Star Wars," "The Empire Strikes Back" and "Return of the Jedi"--on DVD. A vocal minority, however, merely grumbled, since what was sold was not the original trilogy at all but the so-called "special editions," released theatrically in 1997 with added scenes, new special effects and, some might argue, inferior results. The real original trilogy--which is to say, the versions many fans grew up with--were nowhere to be found. Short of a change of heart on creator George Lucas' part, the original "Star Wars" films are unlikely to ever appear on DVD, and needless to say, a few weeks before the DVD release of the final "Star Wars" installment "Revenge of the Sith," many fans remain frustrated. "Look at the DVDs that are out now," says Garrett Gilchrist of Carlsbad, Calif., a 24-year-old film school grad responsible for "Deleted Magic," a remarkable compendium of seldom-seen deleted scenes, alternate takes and outtakes from the first "Star Wars." "They're not getting any respect anymore. These are classic movies that should be preserved, like `Bridge Over the River Kwai' or `Seven Samurai.' Not to get too pretentious about it, but these films should be given a bit of respect so that everyone can enjoy them, not force you to overlook how bad the release actually is." To that end, some fans have repeatedly attempted to re-create and reconstruct--with home computers, professional software and various releases of Lucas' sci-fi epics, as well as plenty of time and money--their own versions of the director's sci-fi epics. Gilchrist's "Classic Edition" combines elements from the 2004 DVDs and the '93 laserdisc. His close approximation of 1977's "Star Wars" goes so far as to digitally paint out distracting special effects, correct real and perceived errors discovered on the official 2004 DVD versions and feature professional-looking DVD menus. Gilchrist even edited together his own commentary track. He calls his "Classic Edition" the "original" version of "Star Wars," "not the way it was, but the way you remember it." That's keeping in line with Lucas' stated views on film restoration. "I am very concerned about our national heritage, and I am very concerned that the films I watched when I was young and the films that I watched throughout my life are preserved, so that my children can see them," said Lucas, referring to the colorization movement. That quote is the first thing you see at www.originaltrilogy.com, where fans commiserate over changes Lucas made to their favorite films as well as discuss, attempt and trade remedies. There's also a petition addressed to Lucas. "Obviously, all the chain-rattling one person on the Internet can do is about as effective as the world's smallest violin," says Justin Bielawa of Connecticut, a Web site regular and friend of Gilchrist. "The question is now what can we do to get him to change his mind." These homemade "preservations" provide to the unsatisfied (and perhaps unsatisfiable) the next best thing. Yet the proliferation of so many different versions of the films, from Lucas' own to the dozens of bootlegs and ambitious re-creations, shows that a solution may now be impossible. "I don't know if that'd be possible, due to the many sources of the original trilogy and how differently each person tackles their preservation project," says Rid Hughes of Gloucestershire, England, who has worked diligently on his own laserdisc to DVD transfers of a universally embraced DVD edition. "Everyone has their own idea on how it should look, and they're all different." Hughes' version of the first "Star Wars" was made from three different laserdisc sources: the U.S. Definitive Collection, the French THX collection and the German THX collection. It's cost him more than 200 British pounds (about $350), "utilizing parts of all three versions to combine them into something I'm happy with." Ben Payton of Great Falls, Mont., who has embarked with four friends on what he calls the "X0 Project," is a freelance Web designer whose "Star Wars" obsessions drew him to the pricey Pioneer HLD-X0 laserdisc player in hopes of preserving the best possible image. "It is perhaps the best laserdisc player ever made, and still demands a hefty asking price on eBay--$2,800 last time I checked," he says. "We have centered our preservation around using this player, and the early results are about the best we've ever seen in an LD-to-computer transfer." "I have had a lot of fun doing what I'm doing, and someday might even like to do something like this for a living," adds Payton, who is serving in the military. "I'd say even if by some miracle Lucas decides to release the original `Original Trilogy' right in the middle of our project, I think I'd still finish it, just to see how well it stacks up to the real thing." Gilchrist, who recently completed a version of "The Empire Strikes Back" and is pondering attempting "Return of the Jedi", stresses that as angry as fans sometimes seem, this is largely a fun exercise. He also points our that until Lucas makes the original trilogy available again, in its original form, he sees no harm being done. "The `Classic Edition' was about revisiting a movie that doesn't exist anymore," Gilchrist says. "The movie you're creating is the movie you grew up with, and the movie you want to see again. It gets harder and harder to watch ("Star Wars") the way Lucas has it now . . . .He's interested in what he can do now, but we're not as interested. And if these films are being ruined, and (his versions are) all that's coming out, then that's no fun." Justin asked me the other day if I was going to restore the Empire Strikes Back too. Your wish is granted. I've been planning to do this for a while anyway. These projects are always a good way to learn advanced DVD authoring, and before you bitch at me for wasting my time with these projects, you should know that this only took a few spare hours today and yesterday. It was finished very very quickly. Here's what I posted at originaltrilogy.com, for the hardcore Star Wars crowd: Throw away your laserdiscs. Throw away your '04 DVDs. This is the only version of The Empire Strikes Back you'll ever need.     
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK Classic Edition by ocpmovie (tygerbug at yahoo.com)      
From the creator of Deleted Magic and Star Wars Classic Edition comes the ultimate restoration of what many believe to be the best film in the Star Wars saga. It looks exactly as good as the real 2004 DVDs. Because it's made from the 2004 DVDs. But this is the original 1980 version of the film. No special edition material to be found here. The definitive preservation of this classic film. 
I finished all my video editing today, and looked at a test burn of the DVD. I was actually blown away. It's hard to overstate how well this worked out. 95% of it looks exactly as good as the official DVD (because it IS the official DVD), and the other 5% looks basically exactly as good as the official DVD, and it's very very hard to tell the difference. I am not posting screen grabs from the normal parts of the film. I'll just post the parts where I merged bad quality stuff with better quality stuff. 95% of the film looks better than these screen grabs - if you want screen grabs from those, just screen grab your official DVDs. There, you've got it. I learned a lot from doing the Classic Edition edit of the first Star Wars. One thing that people noticed were the DV artifacts - the miniDV format has trouble with highly saturated reds and blues, and they develop jagged edges visible on a computer monitor. Although that disc looked great, I was convinced that I could do better. 
I wanted to try to actually use the real official DVD encode for as much of the film as possible. This time round, I only rendered the portions of the film that needed to be edited. Any stretch of the film that was to stay unchanged, I didn't touch. I then actually merged my little bite-sized chunks that I'd edited myself along with the actual 2004 Lucasfilm DVD files, making any change from one to the other completely seamless. This means that for 90% of the film, I haven't even touched it. In any way. It's the 2004 DVD that you're watching. This was a bit tricky to do, but resulted in a DVD of shocking clarity. As for the scenes which have been reedited, these look equally great. The Cowclops V2 laserdisc transfer came in very handy here, and so did a DVD of the 1997 Special Edition. It also saved some work in the long run, so I was able to spend more time on just the parts that needed editing, and finish the entire edit in a day or two - about 5 times faster than the first Classic Edition. You'll find I've learned some new tricks. You'll find I'm full of surprises. 
I actually created a digital matte painting of the old grey corridor to replace the special edition corridor with its big pink windows. When Leia fires, I painted the gunshots back in frame by frame. The corridor is from the laserdisc, Leia and Lando from the DVD. 
The "hatch" shots are my favorite. That is actually Lando and Luke from the DVD, but the white hatch is from the laserdisc. How is that possible unless I painstakingly painted out the CGI hatchway (added in 1997) frame by frame? There's a deadly clever trick to this shot. I used the "Lumakey" function in FCP, telling it to blot out everything from the laserdisc except for bright whites. So then I pasted the bright whites from the original shot over the 2004 DVD. Suddenly I'm back to the 1980 version of the shot, but in 2004 clarity. Now that is cool. 
Luke hangs upside down. A tiny bit of laserdisc footage of Luke was used to merge two 2004 DVD shots into one 1980 shot. It's so well hidden that it all looks like a 2004 shot. I defy you to notice it without watching it many times over and over with me there to tell you where the join is. 
The middle of this shot is from 2004, the edges around the Falcon from 1980. 
A brighter starfield has been added to the 2004 crawl, to make it look like the 1980 original. 
Again, a brighter starfield. 
The castmembers are from 2004, the background from 1980. This was an interesting shot to restore because in the 1997 version, the animators added a pan-down - the shot moves and you see more of them at the bottom of the screen. So I match-moved the moving version of the shot carefully until it was staying still again. In truth, a lot of the special edition changes to Empire were very clever, and I hated to remove them, but the film does work better without them. Otherwise we wouldn't be so desperate for the original versions of the films. The 1997 version of Empire was definitely the best of the Special Editions. Apart from changing the sound mix back to the 70mm version, which resulted in at least one annoying line change, it was a good edit of the film. Particularly compared to the horrors committed on all the other films. On the other hand, the 2004 DVD is a travesty - thanks to just one thing. Replacing Boba Fett's voice with a horrible performance by Temuera Morrison? Way to ruin one of the best characters in the film. The sound mix here is the 35mm one from 1980. The one we love. 
Note the window -- Some laserdisc footage is carefully pasted in frame by frame over the clearer DVD image. The result is seamless.
More original 1980 architecture at the end of that hallway, pasted in carefully over the 2004 image, frame by frame. 
Ditto - check that door at the end of the corridor. That's not there in 1997/2004. 
More fun with 1980 architecture in Cloud City. 
Han gets his classic vest look back, restoring a popular continuity error otherwise fixed in '04. (I liked doing this, but it did force me to actually edit the entire "I love you/I know" scene, rather than just take it straight from the DVD, which is a shame for the very very very slight loss of clarity that entails. For that reason I am still undecided on whether to put the imperial insignia on Piett and the other guy back on the wrong way at the end of the film, when they're talking to Vader and the scene is flopped. They fixed it for the 2004 DVDs with some clever CGI, and I may or may not unfix it. You may or may not know what I'm talking about.)
The first appearance of the Emperor! Before the wonderful Ian McDiarmid was cast for Jedi. This scene appears here in DVD quality thanks to the 1997 special editions. It's nice that Lucas filmed McDiarmid for the '04 DVDs, but the new scene is slow-paced and kind of vaguely awful (lots of closeups of Vader looking confused). And the emperor in it looks like the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. It's nice to bring back the original, just for old time's sake. Even if he isn't the "real" Emperor, this is very definitely the "real" scene. So there you have it. I don't want to blow my own horn here and say I've done it again, but, well, I've done it again. I can't overstate this, this is the only version of The Empire Strikes Back you need. It also only took me like a day or two to do, which is nice. A definite improvement on Star Wars Classic Edition, which took forever and lots of tries to get the shots right. This one was perfect on the first try. The sound isn't all in sync yet, I'll figure that out tomorrow. To save room on the disc for the improved picture quality of this version, I won't be really including any extras. Also because I'm really busy and don't have time to create a great commentary track like for ANH (and I don't have the interviews to do it with anyway). The isolated score will be included, and a few nice menus. As always, you can email me at tygerbug at yahoo.com. And before you ask will there be a Classic Edition of Return of the Jedi, the answer is maybe. (I get the feeling I'll be answering this question ten times a day now too, along with the Deleted Magic sequel question.) Enjoy this folks. You don't need to throw your other versions away, but you can let 'em gather dust a little. You won't be watching them much. It's the original version of The Empire Strikes Back, in quality so clear it's just like George had bothered to restore it and release it himself. You'll love it. I know. On wednesday the 28th, I will be doing my standup comedy act at the Laguna Beach Brewing Company - this is the first standup act I have ever done at a professional club. It's a big step up. If the woman who booked me, Lynn Epstein, likes my style, she'll ask me back to do more. Wish me luck. I will be doing 10 minutes of material in a bill including professional comics. This show runs every 2nd and 4th wednesday of each month. Cover is $8 and the club has a full bar and menu. The show is 21 & over and begins at 8pm sharp. The Laguna Beach Brewing Company is located at 422 South Coast Highway, Laguna Beach, CA. You may call (714)499-2337 for more information. My mother's old friend Christy Rucci (a massage therapist living in Irvine) recommended me to comedienne Lynn Epstein, who books these shows. I haven't met her and she's never seen my stuff. She'll see it on wednesday. http://lynnepstein.com/ If anyone wants to come, please do. I actually don't even have a ride there yet. But I will. My animated series concept, as pitched to Adult Swim. I don't really expect them to care, but I like this series and might try doing a pilot animatic or something. 
Buying groceries. Sharing an apartment. Saving the world from intergalactic war. It's not easy being twentysomething these days. The CHOSEN ONES A sitcom.  (Juliet and Cody) Cody and Juliet share an apartment, though theyžre not going out or anything. Rex lives next door, but hežs not just their weirdo neighbor he is also an extraterrestrial crimefighter, saving the world from evil aliens, who are hiding everywhere. So theyžre now hanging out with an alien, a robot, and a woman who seems to think shežs a cat. They watch TV and save the world on a regular basis. (Alternate titles: Apartment Galactica, Generation of Filth) 
Why this series? First of all, I tried to give this series all the ingredients of both a cult-favorite sci-fi series and a classic sitcom, to give it the flair of a cult hit. More importantly, as a twentysomething, Ižve long felt that there arenžt enough TV shows that really speak to young people (17-30), and relate to what they go through. Futurama and Family Guy have been among the few, containing just the right kind of pop culture references for that generation. But there have been British shows like Spaced and The Young Ones that have captured the era quite well, and become big hits over there. I feel that if you create a series that is smarter than your average sitcom, funny and full of cult sci-fi humor, but most importantly being all about what twentysomethings actually go through, you will have the perfect cult hit. The idea is to do something with a quick pace and rapid-fire stream of gags, in a standard sitcom setting, but really based around the characters, at the core of everything. The series will also have sequences that look more like a comic book film ... rather like the Batman films and cartoons. Action sequences involving aliens lend an exciting climax to the comedy in most episodes. 
Pilot Episode Plot The world is under secret attack. Alien beings are hiding everywhere, their only thought to destroy life on earth as we know it. And Rex Roper is the only man who can stop them. 
But that's not important yet. Meanwhile: Cody, a young geek, has lost his job, and his parents have finally kicked him out of the basement he's been living in all his life. He finds himself homeless, filthy, and out on the street. He meets a poet/singer, Juliet (or Razor), who is pretending to be homeless to find out what it's like. Cody and Juliet have only been talking for five minutes, and haven't particularly hit it off (actually Cody is convinced she hates him), when suddenly Juliet suggests they get married. Cody, having nothing better to do, agrees. The two don't actually get married legally, but they become good friends and do some stupid shit together. (She says it's good to be "married" to someone just in case she ends up old and alone someday. Like having a spare tire.) Then Juliet goes off on a date, leaving Cody behind. He gets depressed, but when she comes back (from the unsuccessful date), she has another impulse: since both of them need apartments, they move in together. 
They quickly realize that there is something strange about their apartment building. There may be strange creatures or aliens or ... something all around. Then they meet Rex - and that's the strangest experience of all. Rex, who lives in the apartment opposite them, is a paranormal crimefighter. He is incredibly wealthy, and a genius with access to technology from all across the universe, but he lives in a crappy apartment "because that's the last thing they'd suspect." His apartment is like the batcave - with a huge computer database of non-human criminals living on the planet. It's his job to protect earth from evil supernatural, extraterrestrial, paranormal and mutant beings. And he likes doing it. They are afraid of Rex at first, but he soon becomes their friend and often pops into their apartment. (Cody and Juliet's apartment is where most of the action takes place, a la any standard sitcom.) They also meet one of Rex's creations, a small robot named Lionel. Lionel is slightly rebellious and doesn't get along well with his "father," Rex ... and in later episodes comes to live with Cody and Juliet. 
They also meet Jefferson, a grey alien in a white suit. Calm and intelligent with a dry wit, Jefferson is Rex's best friend, and was the one who showed Rex that there were aliens and other beings living on earth, and helped train him to fight them. Jefferson has shared some of his and other planets' advanced technology with Rex, and shares some of it with Cody and Juliet to make their lives easier ... but he avoids sharing more than a little bit of it, because he doesn't think humans are smart enough to use really advanced technology without destroying it and using it for evil. Cody, Juliet and Rex prove him right whenever he unveils a new "toy" for them to use ... and promptly use it destructively. Jefferson is lonely and spends much of his time trying to get a date with an earth woman. He finds he usually scares them away, and he has to use that Men in Black memory eraser thing Å. Throughout the series, Cody and Juliet remain just good friends. They both go out on dates with various people ... although there is very slight sexual tension between them, so that they do get jealous when the other has a steady girl/boyfriend. It's pretty clear that whatever happens, Juliet is going to be the most important female in Cody's life, and vice versa. There is also some sexual tension between Juliet and Rex, mostly early on. 
Juliet's best friend (shown quickly in episode 1 but not introduced until episode 3) is Rowena. There is something strange about Rowena. She is a hyper-intelligent businesswoman and environmental crusader. But she is leading some sort of double life. When she meets Rex, she stands back and hisses eerily. He recognizes her, of course. They are arch-nemeses. But there is also sexual tension between them. She is human, but genetically engineered for extra agility and strength - a mutant. They have a long history. She is the Catwoman to his Batman. They get along when she's doing good, but not when she's doing evil. Cody falls for her immediately, in a pathetic way. She has no interest whatsoever in him ... he is the ... er, little mouseman to her Catwoman. As the series goes on, Cody and Juliet will have to help Rex out in his efforts to clean up the city, and will actually do some heroic things. On one of these occasions, Cody will do something impressive enough that Rowena actually takes notice of him, and they will wind up going out for some time, which will make Rex and Juliet very very unhappy. On a similar note, plenty of Juliet's dates will turn out to be supervillains. Oh, and in the season finale, there's something about a prophecy ... are Cody and Juliet not just ordinary geeks, but rather the Chosen Ones? 
The Characters - Cody - Insecure, neurotic struggling writer/painter/wannabe detective ... Very messy but ironically also a neat freak. A romantic, but clueless about women. A sci-fi geek. Impulsive, when he gets a creative urge he'll seize on it until he's lost interest. A really nice guy at heart. Pretty intense and rarely as boring as he looks. He's a little bit pathetic, but then so was Luke Skywalker in the first film, and he still saved the universe, so maybe Cody has a chance. His other goal is to be a famous game show host. Or something. (Alternate names: Colby, Simon, Alvin, Peter, Ernie) 
Juliet Hamilton (Razor) An introverted poet, artist, photographer and singer. Not a very good one. This could make her a bit pretentious except that she is insecure and mostly lacks ego. She avoids people, supposedly because she thinks the general public are sheep and idiots, but also because beneath the fake bravado she's terminally shy. She is also impulsive, and does whatever the hell she wants when the mood strikes her - which is why she proposed marriage to Cody within five minutes of meeting him on the street. She has wondered all her life why she keeps going out with such freaks of nature - wondering if the guys she's gone out with are really human. As it turns out ... some of them weren't. 
Rex Roper - He fills the wacky neighbor role, but is also the hero of the series. Eccentric millionaire playboy genius, and earth's only hope against invasion by depraved and bizarre creatures. Don't worry - he's smarter and stronger than he looks. For this character, imagine Bruce Wayne combined with Kramer. Doing Fox Mulder's job. His apartment looks small and normal from the outside, but when you enter it, it's this huge expansive fortress and mansion. Which is pretty weird really. It was created with Jefferson's help to be bigger on the inside than it is on the outside. He has a supercomputer a la the Batcave and lots of crazy technology, cool stuff and goodies - sentimental mementos of his battles with aliens and mutants outside the law. (Alternate names: Hal, Nick, Clark)
Jefferson - A grey alien with a theatrical attitude. Rex's best friend, they met many years ago and Jefferson showed Rex that there were aliens and mutants on the planet earth, and showed him how to fight them. He becomes friends with Cody, even though Cody is at first racist against aliens, because both have something in common - they're both pathetic at attracting earth women. Cody, Juliet and Rex all try to set Jefferson up on dates. Jefferson's attempts at picking up women usually just result in him wiping the woman's memory after she rejects him ... (or he rejects her for being weird and not his type) ... and her waking up with half-memories of an alien abduction. We find out in a later episode, when Jefferson's family comes to visit, that Jefferson is insecure about his intelligence - by the standards of his planet he's actually an idiot. But on earth he's a genius, because he can show off the knowledge of what every idiot on his planet knows ... rather like Kal-El coming to earth and suddenly being a Superman. Well, he wants to come to earth and be thought of as a genius. If Rex/Cody/Juliet ask nicely, Jefferson might help them out by sharing some of his (or some other) planet's advanced technology ... so Jefferson seems like a wacky inventor in some ways (even though none of the inventions are actually his) ... he is very good at repairing and creating spaceships, electronics, that sort of thing. On his planet he was the equivalent of an auto mechanic with a high school education. Do NOT bring this up around him. It's supposed to be a secret. Lionel B-4 - Built by Rex. The apartment's helpful little robot. Nerdy even by robot standards. Generally sweet like a family pet. But has a bit of an attitude, like a teenage son. Rebels against his "father," Rex, in episode 2 or 3. Spends more and more time at Cody and Juliet's, until he becomes their robot. Well, his own robot. He is an independent robot. Yes, that's it. 
Rowena - Juliet's best friend. Rex's former lover and worst enemy. Beautiful, successful, talented, brilliant, wealthy, ambitious law student, businesswoman and environmental crusader, Rowena Lovett comes from a wealthy family and seems to have the world on a string, with everything going for her. But she's leading a double life. Kidnapped by Canadian Nazi scientists in the 1980s, her genes were altered. She was given super strength, super agility, and an indestructible iron skeleton. (Which makes her magnetic, to her annoyance. She sticks to refrigerators, and magnets stick to her.) She was brainwashed and trained to do evil, for some big faceless corporation and a bunch of evil aliens - an experience so convoluted and unbelievable that she has chosen not to clearly remember it. She escaped, and returned to her normal life, but ever since then she has been fighting evil aliens and mutants, and trying to prevent evil corporations from destroying the environment. She met Rex some time ago, and they realized that they were both doing the same thing - fighting paranormal crime. But her methods have a dark side, and she will steal, kill and commit crimes to help fund her work, and do what she thinks is right. Rex doesn't approve of her methods, and calls her a criminal too. But of course he was (is?) in love with her, and all their arguments and fights to the death have a sexual tension about them. Clearly, she and Rex are either going to kill each other, or have a lot of sex and get married, or both. Probably both. Cody finds her very attractive. She finds Cody pathetic and not worth paying any attention to whatsoever, but after Cody shows a little bit of heroism (the only thing Rowena finds attractive) they wind up going out, unexpectedly, in episodes 6-8 or so. (Alternate names: Lenora, Athena, Cassandra)  ("Counter girl" - minor guest star character) Selected Episode Plotlines: Think plotlines which use some sci-fi ideas to really throw into contrast the characters' different personalities, insecurities, and quirks - make them as clear and clashing (and interesting) as possible - and comment on real obsessions in our society. Or just dumb little things .... the little niggling details of everyday life. Much as Seinfeld did. 
Groundhog Night The date is February 2nd. Jefferson is going out with an alien girl named Alena, but he screws up their first date horribly and she loses all interest in him. He really likes her and canžt bear to let her go. So Jefferson wipes her memory clean with his little flashy device, and tries again the next night. He screws up again, and tries again, and again. Cody and Juliet have been watching all this on Rexžs computer, and Juliet becomes very angry and concerned, that Jefferson is just using Alena, trying to control her, not letting her make her own decisions. But Jefferson does love Alena. Juliet enlists Cody to stop Jefferson, to let the next date be the last one and let Alena go. Cody has to steal Jeffersonžs memory device. But Cody is conflicted. He feels like hežs betraying his friend. Giving in to his darker nature, Cody canžt help but wonder what if he had a second chance with a girl he let get away? Rex feeling the same, thinking, what if he had a second chance with Rowena? Cody wonders what he could say to Juliet if he knew he could wipe it away if it went awry. He always wondered if they could be a couple, but didnžt want to screw up their friendship ä what if? Cody takes the memory device ä ready to tell Juliet how he feels. But he canžt. Hežd rather not know, either way. He destroys the memory device instead. And Jefferson goes out on his date without it. Alena leaves Jefferson one last time, and Jefferson is heartbroken. Cody comforts Jefferson, saying some things just werenžt meant to be. The one that you really want to end up with, youžll get without tricks or devices of any kind. Anyway, therežs a better way to erase a painful memory - they all drink quite a lot of beers, and pass out happily. Robot Without a Cause Lionel is becoming increasingly unhappy, living at Rexžs place. He acts like a sullen teenager, rebelling, and trying to be cool. Unexpectedly he runs away, with Jeffersonžs help, and leaves the planet. Cody, Juliet, Rex, Jefferson and Rowena have to leave Earth to try and find him. It turns out that Lionel has used what savings he has to enroll in a robot college on another planet. Which is good that hežs finally making something of himself, but he is miserable there too. Hežs a robonerd, picked on and beat up mercilessly by the other robots. Cody and Juliet have to help Lionel impress his classmates and actually learn how to seem cool, which neither of them have any idea how to accomplish, as theyžre nerds themselves. Meanwhile, love is in the air as Jefferson has fallen for a robot woman named Claire, and Rex and Rowena strike some sparks remembering what their own college days were like. Lionelžs attempts to seem cool are a horrible failure as always, but he makes friends with other "robonerds" like himself and realizes that hežs happier just being himself. Which is a painfully obvious and sappy moral, but there it is. Claire and Jefferson have a "Romeo and Juliet" thing where her parents wonžt let her, a robot, date an alien man. She breaks Jeffersonžs heart, but secretly will love him forever. Due to the speed of computer processing, Lionel graduates in a week and everyone returns home. But first a frat party! 
Meat the Parents Jeffersonžs parents arrive from a distant galaxy, and utterly embarrass him. On this planet, with his knowledge of alien technology, Jefferson is a genius, but on his home planet hežs an idiot, and socially inept, and his parents being there brings it all back. They are high-class and wealthy, and to them he was am embarrassment, unlike his golden-boy older brother Zurl (who is also there for a visit handsome, intelligent, perfect). Depressed, Jefferson starts to revert to type and act stupid and slovenly. Meanwhile, Julietžs mother is in town, which is a huge headache for Juliet, as her mother disapproves of everything shežs doing. She tells Juliet she smells like a boy, and will never get a man unless she fixes herself up. She hates the apartment, and takes a huge dislike to Cody, who is utterly terrified of her. (Strangely, she likes Rex and is attracted to him.) Worse still, they have to hide every trace of alien equipment and any hint of what they do, so Jefferson and Lionel hide at Rexžs place, and there are many near-screwups where Julietžs mother almost sees something she oughtnžt. We learn a few things about Cody and Rexžs parents as well, though we donžt see them, and Lionel works through some issues with his "father," Rex. To complicate things further, an insane genius calling himself Dr. Sausage has figured out a way to reanimate dead non-human meat. So the city is under attack by living hamburgers, slabs of beef, pork, and chicken. And Julietžs mother winds up right in the middle of it, seeing Jefferson and Lionel and ä everything. She is terrified. (But learns to appreciate Cody.) Zurl gets beaten down by a chicken and runs away like a, well, chicken. Jefferson saves the day, and actually impresses his parents, who concede that he might not be so dumb after all. Julietžs mother is shell-shocked. Rex wipes her memory and sends her away. Juliet has a small breakdown, and Cody consoles her, saying everyone has problems with their parents, thatžs how we become who we are. We look at our parents, and some part of us is just like them, and part of us goes the other way. He says, Ižm glad you went the other way. Juliet and her mother reconcile a bit as shežs leaving, and she promises to come back soon. Juliet shudders. Jeffersonžs parents like Cody and Juliet, and tell them they should visit sometime. The last shot is of Cody, Juliet and Rex visiting Jeffersonžs planet. It has a purple sky and is a hollow desert. Cody: "This place sucks." The end. The Size of Things - After Rex has been missing for a while, everyone is shocked to find Rex's head in his apartment - just his head, still alive but without a body. Rex is bewildered by this too. It's another of Jefferson's technologies gone awry - a device which can shrink or expand the parts of the body, stolen by an evil and pathetic little man with some body issues, who wants to make himself more attractive to women. They must get the device back and get Rex back to normal ... but they're tempted to use it themselves. Is bigger better? Or should we just be happy with what we've got? The subtle innuendo all over this episode will get us in trouble with the censors. In a highly amusing way.
Look Out, Therežs a Monster Coming Itžs Halloween. With everyone in costume, Jefferson can actually walk the streets. This is the one day of the year where he feels free to do anything he wants. They go to a Karaoke bar, and everyone sings, but Jefferson really goes all-out. He secretly loves to perform. A filmmaker spots him, and talks to him about his "costume." Hežs quite impressed with it, and would like to use him as a monster in his film. Despite the protestations of Rex, Jefferson pretends that yes, he is wearing a costume, and he becomes part of the film. Cody, Juliet, Rex and Rowena visit the set. The leading lady turns out to be a woman named Naomi who was Rowenažs rival in high school theater, and Rowena, very angry and jealous, tries to make Naomi sick or injured, and seduce the casting director so she can take over the role. But she keeps on damaging only herself, and making things worse. Meanwhile, Jefferson is in heaven this is a dream come true for him. Naomi actually finds hrself attracted to Jefferson, and wants to see what he looks like under the "mask." Which makes Jefferson nervous, but he tries to play along. He tries to see if Rex can make him a human-looking mask, which looks really pathetic. Juliet tries to convince him that if he likes this girl, he should tell her who and what he actually is. But of course he canžt. Meanwhile, Juliet has a big crush on the leading actor, Chad, which makes Cody incredibly jealous. He wonders if Rowena can "take care" of Chad too. But when Chad hits on Juliet, he turns out to be a slimy sleazeball. She loses interest fast. On the set, the director is unhappy with Jeffersonžs constant comments about the script. Jefferson thinks the script is racist against aliens, portraying them simply as evil monsters who want to take over the world. He tries to stand up for aliens as peaceful people just like anyone else. The director canžt take it anymore and fires him. Naomi says that if Jefferson quits, shežll quit too. The director says fine, and fires them both. Hežll finish the movie without them. Rowena, crawling battered out of a ditch after her last attempt to destroy Naomi, hears this and perks up finally, itžs her big chance! Finally, shežll get to upstage Naomi onscreen! She cleans herself up and comes up to the director, saying shežll play the role. He asks if shežll do it for free. She says yes. He says, okay, youžve got the part wežll finish the movie with you as the lead. So they shoot one shot Chad coming up with a shotgun and saying "Thatžs it. The monster is dead." And the director says, "Cut, great, wežre finished, thatžs a wrap everyone." Rowena seethes with rage. A couple months later, they all see the movie at the theater. You kind of see a bit of Rowenažs sleeve, in the shot, from the back. Rowena jumps up and cheers and asks everyone to tell her how great she was. Rex tells her yeah, her sleeve was really good, in that one shot. Cody bugs Juliet about Chad, and she tells him to shut up. In the back of the theater, Jefferson and Naomi are making out. She asks him when hežs going to take off the mask. He says, soon, Ižll take it off soon. But come on, you like the mask, admit it. She looks annoyed. "Seriously," she says, "Take off the mask." The end. Million Dollar Robot Baby Cody and Lionel have been watching Robot Wars on TV. Lionel wants desperately to be on the show he is much more advanced than any of the cheap little buckets of bolts he sees there, theyžre just remote controlled cars with axes attached. He figures he can get in the ring and outsmart them, defeating them easily. Rex is not easily convinced. Lionel is his creation, and he doesnžt want to see him hurt. But Lionel will not be dissuaded. He starts training, Rocky-style, for Robot Wars! With Rex busy, Jefferson and Cody have to take over the monitoring of extraterrestrial crime in the vicinity. Rowena and Juliet are certain they will screw everything up horribly, but Cody and Jefferson are enjoying this, and donžt want any help or smart remarks. Nonetheless, secretly Rowena and Juliet watch them, ready to actually fight the aliens if any show up. Cody and Jefferson make an utter mess of the Rexcave, and screw everything up, getting soda and chips all over the computer. But a known alien criminal, Duhurr the Stupidly Indestructible, has been located, and Cody and Jefferson spring into action. So does Rowena, secretly trailing them at high speed, jumping over rooftops with her extreme agility and strength. Juliet just takes the car. A spectacular fight ensues, and Rowena is ready to jump in and save the boys at any moment, but Cody actually manages to take care of himself. Jefferson gets beat a little bit, but with the right weapons Cody blasts the hell out of Duhurr and then takes him on in hand-to-hand combat. As he does so, he gets a primal adrenaline rush, enjoying the fight. (Think Fight Club.) Duhurr tears his shirt. Rowena stares, shocked. For the first time she actually finds Cody attractive. Juliet is equally shocked although also a bit disgusted. Duhurr teleports away in fear. Cody has won. Rowena and Juliet reveal themselves. Rowena asks Cody out on a date. Cody is shocked. Juliet grumbles. She doesnžt like Cody going out with Rowena at all, although shežs not entirely sure why. Meanwhile, Rex and Lionel go to a Robot Wars taping, and meet the host, Craig Charles. Rex winces in pain as he sees the robots utterly destroy each other. He tries to talk Lionel out of it. But Lionelžs metal heart is set. Elsewhere, Cody and Rowena go out on a date. Itžs weird, theyžre very different people. But amusingly so. They seem to both be enjoying it anyway. At home, Juliet fumes and grumbles and complains and whines and moans. Jefferson questions why shežs so mad. She finds a million reasons why Cody and Rowena wonžt work, but even she canžt quite put a finger on why shežs so angry. Not because she likes Cody at all, in that way. Oh no. Never. Cody screws up everything on his date, fumbling and making an utter idiot of himself, but Rowena isnžt being picky things still go all right. At the end of the night, they wind up sleeping together. He goes back to his apartment with a huge grin on his face. He says nothing. Juliet just stares in fear. And then screams "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Back at Robot Wars, itžs time for Lionelžs big fight. His opponent is a huge and terrifying mass of rotating blades and impending death. Itžs called the Disintegrizer. Itžs never been defeated, and itžs crushed each one of its opponents into tiny, tiny bits. Now, Lionel feels utter fear. Trapped in the ring, he tries to escape as the crowd just cheers them on. He tries to run, but therežs no way to escape it ä he gets pulverized. Rex screams "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Lionel is in pieces, put into a little cardboard box and taken home. Jefferson and Rex set up a little hospital type bed in the Rexcave, and Cody and Juliet visit Lionel in his bed. Hežs pulverized, paralyzed, destroyed. But at least he got his shot. He was on Robot Wars. He was a star. Rex asks Jefferson if he can fix him. Jefferson says, hežs destroyed, Rex. Therežs nothing left that works. I can fix him, but itžll cost a million dollars. Rex screams "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He then hands Jefferson a check for one million dollars, saying "You complete and utter bastard." Jefferson smiles and pockets the check. Cody asks him what hežs going to spend the money on. Jefferson says, booze and alien hookers. They high-five. Cody says, "I hope Ižm invited to THAT party." There is a long pause. "You complete and utter bastard," Cody says, as he walks away dejected. Now, there is one very big loose end to this story, the Rowena and Cody relationship. We could continue this for one more episode, but at some point Rowena is simply going to ditch Cody for a better looking guy. If we decide to end this early, herežs the ending Rowena tells Cody the bad news. Shežs met someone else. She walks in with Robot Wars host Craig Charles. Cody says, "I bow to my superior." Craig Charles nods. "Oh well," says Cody, "it was fun while it lasted. I enjoyed doing it, and I hope we can do it again sometime." "Keep dreaming," says Rowena, as she walks away. "I will," says Cody with a smile. He walks away dreaming. A quick flashback to Cody and Rowena in bed together. Then back to reality Juliet shudders and grimaces at the thought. Ew. The end. 
Un Recherce De Temps Perdu An alien super-general (The Evil "Bob"), seeking to destroy the world, lands in Times Square armed with the ultimate weapon a weapon that can obliterate portions of time itself. If aimed properly at the earth, he could obliterate the earth in a way that it would never have existed, having been destroyed all the way back to the beginning of time. He recites a long, long list of all the things that are wrong with the planet earth, from the Holocaust to the character of Steve Urkel. This takes an immensely long time. Rex has time to drive in to try and stop him, even in a malfunctioning, crappy car which keeps breaking down so he, Jefferson and Rowena have to keep pushing it. (He has taken Rowena along so that he can impress her by destroying Bob, but this part isnžt very impressive.) Cody and Juliet take Julietžs VW Bug and arrive earlier. Rex finally arrives as Bob is finishing his list, and shoots the hell out of him, but his blasts just bounce off the spaceship, the general and his weapon. Bob laughs, and readies his weapon. The entire world has to deal with the end of the world. People weep and pray, Cody confesses romantic feelings to Juliet, and Rex confesses romantic feelings to Rowena. The general fires his weapon, and bam it backfires back on the general, and the general and his ship are erased from ever having existed. The entire world wonžt even remember that an alien ever landed and threatened them. Even our main characters are forgetting. Juliet asks Cody, did you really mean those things you said? Cody says, what things? Juliet I canžt remember. We see bubbles appearing everywhere, large rainbow-edged bubbles in reality that grow smaller slowly and then pop. Jefferson figures out that the weapon was set to destroy the entire earth, so it was on a very high setting these are the side effects. Little bubbles of an alternate reality that will appear and be forgotten about in a matter of days. So, anyone can step into these bubbles, and whatever they do in that bubble has no consequences in the real reality. Jefferson demonstrates this by shooting Rex. He dies horribly, then Jefferson pops the bubble and hežs fine. Although very annoyed at Jefferson. Cody canžt stop thinking about it ä what if nothing you did had any consequences? He walks into a bubble. We hear a zap and a scream. He walks out calmly, his hair smoking a bit, saying, hmm, so thatžs what being electrocuted feels like. (He adds: It hurts a lot.) In some of the big bubbles, you donžt even remember what youžve done afterward. So Rex and Rowena agree to have sex in the bubble, as long as both agree that this never actually happened and they both just forget about it afterward. Rowena also takes up eating. Like, constant, binging eating, because she wonžt gain weight later. She becomes a bit chubby, in the bubble. Juliet tells off some of the people who made fun of her in school. Lionel develops an attitude and tells off EVERYONE. Jefferson runs out into the streets frightening children. But they arenžt frightened and actually like him, and he entertains them with stories. Jefferson now talks to the news in the bubble reality, admits hežs an alien. He becomes a celebrity, does interviews, becomes hugely famous, does stand-up comedy, even has his own talk show. Government agents are lurking they want to capture and study him, but hežs too famous to abduct. Then the "other" Jefferson shows up, the one who actually comes from the bubble reality. A lurking government agent sees that there are two of them. Our Jefferson is then kidnapped and dissected by the government. He barely escapes the bubble, screaming all the way. And Cody Cody is going to tell Juliet he loves her. Just to see what would happen. But he canžt quite think of what to say. He runs into the other version of himself, and talks to himself. It gets pretty confusing. They talk about Juliet a bit, and our Cody accidentally convinces the bubble Cody to tell Juliet how he feels, too. The bubble version of Juliet sees both Codys and gets confused. They both try to talk to her. Itžs a mess. Finally our Cody gives up and leaves, letting the bubble Cody to talk to the bubble Juliet. He tries to listen in on what her reaction is, but is surprised by the real Juliet tapping his shoulder. He turns around, scared, and doesnžt hear the conversation. He asks her what shežs been doing. She says she went to talk to a guy she always liked. But he didnžt like her back. "What happened with you?" she asks. "Oh," says Cody, "Pretty much the same thing." Juliet: "And now youžre coming here because you want to meet yourself?" Cody: "Been there, done that. Itžs not a good idea. Ižve met myself already. We donžt get along." But Juliet really wants to meet herself. Cody gets nervous and stands in her way, tries to stop her. He says itžs like Back to the Future, if you meet yourself you could destroy the entire space-time continuum. "Oh, shut up," Juliet says, and opens the door. So now both Codys and both Juliets are looking at each other. Therežs an awkward silence, and Cody asks the other Cody "How did it go?" Our Juliet: "How did what go?" Bubble Cody: "Ižm not sure I should tell you that." Our Cody: "Please, youžve got to tell me something." Bubble Juliet: "Wežre still figuring things out. And so are you. Be grateful for what you have. If it works, hang on to it. Youžll miss it if itžs gone." Cody nods. Then both Juliets hug and talk happily to each other. Both Codys shake their heads and just say "women." Some time has passed and the bubbles are closing now. Rex and Rowena have been just sleeping together (and Rowena eating) this entire time. Rowena is chubby now, but Rex doesnžt complain much. They have enjoyed it, and donžt want to leave the bubble. Itžs a bittersweet goodbye, because they wonžt remember a thing, and when theyžre out of the bubble theyžll hate each other again. Rowena asks Rex to remember just one word - Pimento. If they can both remember that one meaningless word, then this will all have meant something. The bubbles close. Itžs all over. Everyone is out on the street together. Juliet asks Cody what that was all about back in the bubble. "The thing the other me said, what did that mean?" Cody says: "I have no idea. I think it was poetry. I never did understand your poetry." Juliet: "Youžre such a horrible liar." Cody: "Yeah. You wanna go get an ice cream smoothie?" Juliet: "Sure!" And they all go out to get smoothies. As theyžre walking away, both Rowena and Rex suddenly shout "Pimento!" Rex: Why did you say Pimento? Rowena: "I donžt freakinž know, why did YOU say Pimento?" Rex: "I donžt know, you evil cow, thatžs why I was asking you." Rowena: "Shut up, you stupid idiot jerkhole fatbag." The final shot is of a little Rex and Rowena in a little bubble, together in love. The bubble floats away. The end. You Oughtta Be in Pictures Rexžs current obsession? Sending ham forward into the future. Why? "Because," he says, "Ižm not hungry for ham now, but I know I will be at some point in the future." Cody: "Well, why not go to the store and buy ham then?" Rex frowns. Rex: "You, sir, do not understand the art of science." In fact, Rex has figured out how to send ham a fraction of a second into the future, by accelerating all the atoms in the ham. (The ham appears to disappear and then reappear.) But when he tries to send the ham forward more than that BOOM. Exploding ham. Rex and Cody wind up with ham all over their faces. Which is quite tasty actually. Cody: "Mm, ham on my face." Jefferson also has a time obsession. He wants to develop a camera that can capture a four-dimensional picture, actually capture a moment in time, living and breathing. Hežs certain that time, like light, operates as a wave and as a particle. That a scrap of time is an object, that could be collected, except that wežre surrounded by time all the time, so we canžt stand outside the construct of time to collect bits of it. If we were pandimensional godlike beings, we could "see" time as a stream. Hežs created a device to try and capture bits of time. For example he coughs into a microphone, and then plays it back. He says, see, Ižve captured that moment in time. Cody is unimpressed. You can do that with an ordinary tape recorder, Cody says. Jefferson looks depressed. Rex says thatžs stupid, thatžs parlor games rather than real science, and then gets back to working on his ham. Meanwhile, Juliet is throwing out some old photographs. Itžs a way of selectively editing her life so she doesnžt have to remember all the crappy parts. She smiles at one photo, of a young man. Rowena asks who the man is. Juliet says, just an old friend I havenžt seen in a long, long time. She smiles but throws it away anyway, and takes the trash can down the hall to the dumpster. Back in the apartment, Jefferson hits a few buttons, turns a few dials, and hears some strange noises. He says to Rex, these might be radio waves from the past! He then hears mariachi music. Or, he says sadly, it might just be the Mexican radio station here in town. "Another great moment in science," says Rex. Jeffersonžs machine sputters and sparks and dies, and sadly Jefferson gives up for the night and leaves, sneaking one last sad look at the plans for his camera. Rex goes to bed too, shutting off all the lights. But he accidentally switches the power for two of the machines ON. The machines hum. They are the device he was using on the ham, and the device Jefferson was using. That night there is a storm. Lightning hits. A surge of power hits the building. We see dials go all over the place. An incredible amount of power is surging into this one machine, until it FIRES, shooting out an incredible amount of energy. The ham explodes. The room glows green. A stream of energy is flowing out, everywhere. Jefferson and Rex run into the room. Time has become unstable suddenly they can see themselves aging, becoming old men. Everything around them is decaying, changing. Then Jefferson sees his camera flicker into existence "Thatžs my camera!" he shouts. "I did it! In the future, Ižve actually created my camera!" The camera is marked "NEVER USE WILL ONLY CAUSE HEARTBREAK." He grabs it, the machines explode, and time returns to normal. Except for Rexžs long white beard. "I always wanted to grow a beard," he thinks. The camera is flickering in and out of existence in Jeffersonžs hands. Rex thinks he should crack it open and dissect it, but Jefferson says therežs no time, itžll be long gone before he figures it out. He just wants to take one picture. Now Cody and Juliet have woken up because of the noise, and Juliet, considering herself an art photographer, takes the camera away from Jefferson, and says shežll take the picture. Jefferson, scared, follows her as she goes, saying she should take a street shot, something with lots of people. She says itžs too early, no onežs up. She notices an open door. The camera is disappearing. Jefferson shouts, take the picture. Juliet walks into the apartment notices that itžs really well decorated. "Swanky," she says. There is a bed in the corner and a vase with one flower on the bureau. She takes the picture, which spits out like a Polaroid. The camera then vanishes. Itžs a boring picture Jefferson is annoyed. But it is three-dimensional, and eerily lifelike. Juliet loves it, she thinks itžs art. Jefferson says she can keep it, and goes back to work, frustrated. Juliet is still staring at the three-dimensional photo, as, down the hall, in the room Juliet took the picture of, a man is waking up. It turns out to be the young man Juliet had a photo of, her "old friend." He takes a shower, shaves, gets dressed, walks down the stairs, crosses the street and gets hit by a car. He is dead. Back in the apartment, Juliet frames the photo. Rex and Jefferson are talking about cameras and ham, when Julietžs photo comes to life. The bed moves. A man wakes up. Juliet is shocked. A little man is pounding on the glass of the frame, asking if anyone can hear him. Itžs Mike, Julietžs old friend from school. And hežs alive, trapped in the photograph. Jefferson is shocked. Juliet talks to him keeps him calm. Some tribesmen, seeing cameras for the first time, believed that having their picture taken would steal their souls. Jefferson believes therežs some truth to that, that for that moment, the single flash of the camera, your soul is indeed "stolen" and preserved on film. Except that the soul exists at more than one point in time. Itžs never gone, but for that moment itžs stolen one reason why Hollywood actors, photographed every second of their lives, can seem so soulless. Juliet wonders how to get Mike out of the photo, but therežs no way to do so. Hežs just there. But wherežs the real Mike? And then Cody looks out and sees the sirens and sees that hežs dead. The news report it. Mike is shocked, and Juliet is heartbroken and guilty. "I stole your soul. I took a picture of your soul, and you died. I killed you." Mike calms her down and says itžs not her fault. He says hežs just glad to see her again. It had been a long time. We sense some romantic tension. Juliet takes the photo with her everywhere (to a soda shop, to the mall), and comforts Mike by keeping it in her bedroom as she goes to sleep as she changes into her night clothes, she shly turns the photo away so he canžt see. Mike confesses that he had always had romantic feelings for her, but never said so because he didnžt think shežd be interested in him. Now Juliet feels really sad. "Itžs funny, being dead, the things you wish youžd done. I wish Ižd told you how I felt, a lot sooner." Juliet sadly kisses the photo, and holds it close to her as she goes to sleep. When she wakes up, she is in the photo, in the room with Mike. Neither of them know how she got there. They talk. They kiss, and go to bed together. Everyone is shocked to find Juliet gone, until Cody finds her in the photo, with Mike. Hežs very jealous. He wants to get Juliet out of there, but they donžt know how she got in or how to get her out, and then she says, she doesnžt want to come out, she wants to stay there with Mike. Which makes Cody really angry. He and Mike share some harsh words. But Cody eventually understands and leaves Mike and Juliet alone together in their photo. But the photo is changing, growing darker. Mike is feeling cold, very cold. They want to escape the tiny world of the one room in the photo, but therežs nothing outside it, just the endless blackness of space. And now the room itself is growing darker. Juliet shouts for Jefferson, shouts for anyone to help. Jefferson and Rex arrive. They test the photo, and it seems that itžs fading, that it canžt maintain its four-dimensional state. That pretty soon itžll just be a two-dimensional photo again, and Mike will really be dead. They have to get Juliet out of there. She says quietly to leave her and Mike alone, just to let them have a few last moments together. They talk as blackness engulfs them. Mike says that he doesnžt have much here, just the one flower. He gives it to her. And then he tells her to go the room crashes down around them, everything is going black. He lets go of her hand and pushes her away, as shežs shouting she wonžt leave him. He says, itžs okay. I would have died like a schmuck, getting hit by a car because I didnžt look where I was going. Thanks to you, Ižm going to die happy, in love with the most wonderful woman I ever knew. These have been the happiest days of my life. Ižll go off with a smile ä He vanishes into the inky nothing. And then a flash, as darkness engulfs Juliet. She screams. The photo goes black, the frame shatters, the picture frame falls to the ground. Cody picks it up. Therežs nothing there. Juliet is gone. Therežs a moment as everyone looks very sad. And then they notice Juliet standing behind them. "Hey guys, howžs it going?" "Not too bad, how are you?" "Ižve been better," she says. Some of Rex's ham appears, having been sent into this point in time. Everyone gets ready for a ham dinner. And then Juliet notices the photo the photo is now all black, except for one shining light in the middle, shining on a single white flower. Juliet holds it to her heart. The End. 
My Pink Half of the Drainpipe Part one of a three-part season finale. The sink is broken. The water is coming out brown. The toilet is broken. The freezer is overfreezing everything. Nothing works. Juliet is really annoyed. She hates it there. Juliet drags Cody to another one of her poetry readings, which she performs as Razor. But this time she brings Rex along. She screams and wails and bangs on drums and talks about lifežs misery. Rex and Cody are very, very miserable in the audience. Cody has been there every week. He canžt take it, and finally has to tell Juliet to stop dragging him to her poetry readings, as he canžt stand it. There is a big fight, and Juliet and Cody are no longer speaking. In "classic sitcom fashion," they divide up the apartment into two halves with a line down the middle. Which happens to be drawn right down the middle of Lionel, who isnžt allowed to move to either side. (And he really needs to use the bathroom.) Rex is in a really precarious position he wants to remain friends with both of them, but they both hate him for being friends with the other! Jefferson tries to mediate, and just gets beat up in the middle. Juliet leaves, leaving Cody alone. He becomes very lonely. He didnžt think shežd actually leave. To be continued. Razor Loses Her Edge Part two of a three-part season finale. Juliet is gone. Talking with Rex, Jefferson, and Rowena, he has to admit he really cares for her more than anyone and wants her back. But no one knows where she is. Turns out shežs living on the road with the band Purple Stain, living in a VW bus like a hippie. She thinks the crew and band appreciate her poetry (actually theyžre too stoned to care). Cody gets down on his knees and begs, but isnžt able to convince her to come back. She says she feels alive there. She is sleeping with several of the band. Things are ä hazy. The drummer leaves mysteriously, and she takes over. The band actually start listening to her, and one night while sleeping with the lead singer, she recites a poem. Hežs stoned and enjoys it. They sing it together (dual harmony) at a concert, which annoys the rest of the band horribly Juliet is encroaching on the band. But the audience love it. It becomes one of their album songs, which becomes a single, which becomes a hit. Meanwhile, Rex has caught the poetry bug and tries to take Julietžs place at the poetry readings. Everyone hates his work except Rowena, who adores it, finally coming to like Rex. Vengeful aliens invade, and Jefferson has to stop them alone. He gets beaten nearly to death. Rex gives him medical treatment, but Rex doesnžt know if he and Rowena can stop them alone. Juliet is now a rock star, and she has team of managers and stylists who take over her life and change her entire image. They take off her glasses, dress her in flashy outfits, and change what they call her "horrible, horrible hair." She misses her hair. Cody comes back one more time to beg Juliet to come back, and he barely recognizes her. Shežs become a rock star, made-up and sexed-up. She is acting strangely, completely phony. Cody is heartbroken, he canžt recognize anything of the Juliet he knew in her. She says "Juliet is dead. Long live Razor, and rock and roll." Cody leaves her dressing room, and tears up the picture of her in his wallet. To be continued. The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Razor (Or, How Juliet Got Her Groove Back) Part three of a three-part season finale. Cody tells everyone that Juliet is gone, that shežs a rock star now and shežs not coming back. Itžs all quite sad. They all try to get on with life without her, but therežs something missing. Rowena makes an attempt. She puts on glasses and a horrible wig. Cody: "No, thanks for trying, but itžs just not the same." They see her video on TV. Itžs not even her voice theyžve electronically altered it to make it sound like she can sing. "Maybe shežs found herself," says Cody, and he decides he should find himself too, go out on the road somewhere, discover who he is. Rex and Jefferson beg him not to go, but he puts the apartment up for sale and goes for a very long walk. Rex and Rowena face the aliens alone, and get their asses kicked. Meanwhile, Juliet canžt take it anymore. The novelty of being popular has worn off, and she canžt stand that her every move is choreographed for her, that she has to wear stupid-looking outfits all the time to match her stylistžs idea of whatžs cool. That she has to shill for a cola company, and lip-synch onstage to something that isnžt her voice anymore. And then she sees Cody, now with a beard, wandering out by the side of the road alone. She tells him he smells terrible. Both smile, and itžs almost like the old Cody and Juliet again. He tells her that the person shežs dressing and acting like now isnžt her, that she needs to be herself again. She gets angry, and says that before she was an unpopular loser, a nerd with bad hair. She says, "you just canžt stand that now Ižm popular and cool." Cody says, "You were cool before. Now youžre just pretending to be cool." "Ižm a hit," she says, "Ižm a star. Everyone loves me." "They love who youžre pretending to be. They love a phony image on a screen. But they donžt love the real you, because they donžt really know you." "Do you really know me?" Juliet asks. "I think I do. I thought I did. If that still matters," Cody says, and walks away. Then Juliet sadly walks back to her stylists and managers, and itžs even harder to pretend now. She loses it during an interview where they just want her to read off a script, off the teleprompter. She starts to read what they want her to say, but when she hits a line about how great this one cola is, she loses it. She says exactly what she means, and rants about how phony the entire music business is, how itžs not about the music but about the product, the image, which results in horrible music and sets a bad example for kids it teaches kids to dress trampy, glorifies violence and objectifies women. It teaches them to like the same things everyone else does, and dress the same way everyone else does. We are individuals, she shouts. We are not a demographic to be sold to. We are intelligent, and we refuse to be talked down to. We are artistic spirits. We are rebels. We are uncool. She rips off her wig, and her own horrible hair is underneath it. She puts on glasses and is herself again. She does her crappy poetry act onstage, and is booed offstage. People throw bottles at her. She is a walking disaster. Her stylists and managers go ballistic. Her career shot, she goes back home. Some Asian people are living there now, and she has to use a good chunk of her earnings to buy the apartment back. Rex and a recovered Jefferson are still there, Cody is still gone. She says itžs good to be back anyway. The sink is broken. The water is coming out brown. The toilet is broken. The freezer is overfreezing everything. Nothing works. And Juliet is happy. She says shežd trade a million people who thought they knew her for just one who actually did. Then Juliet goes out driving to find Cody, who has a really long beard now and smells terrible. He stinks up the car. She holds her nose and complains all the way as she drives him home. Eventually she just ties him to the roof. They finally return back home. Cody cleans himself up. Juliet, Cody, Rex, Jefferson and Rowena beat the aliens together, and go back home. (There are some rumblings about how strange it is that Jefferson, Rex and Rowena couldnžt beat the aliens without Cody and Juliet ä the chosen ones?) Back home, Cody and Juliet talk about a few things they should have talked about a long time ago. Finally they notice Lionel, who is still stuck in the middle of the room. He says, "Please, can I go to the bathroom now?" DANCE with GRANDPA Another pitch for Adult Swim. Plus a lot of stuff I would never show to Adult Swim. "We are the laughing few who understand your soul's torment ... sent from hell to love you." One night I was feeling a little .... strange. I hadn't slept yet, it was something like 6 in the morning, and emotion and anger and WORDS started to come out of me. I grabbed a Sharpie and started to scribble. I took out a People Magazine, looking at these blandly famous people. I drew their faces, only it came out warped and horrible in a way I found deeply amusing. A vision of horror. I then scrawled on the page whatever words popped into my head. The result was a strange kind of poetry. For the title I created a smiling evil face, neither male nor female, reading "DANCE WITH GRANDPA!" 
That got me thinking about what kind of show I could create if there were no rules. Something weird and from the gut. I started to scribble characters, not try to make them look good. Just draw things quickly and wrong, with the wrong hand, like a kindergartener. Then, I redrew the characers really carefully, but not changing the design in the least, keeping every aspect of the design from the really fast and awful scribbles. The result was slightly ... askew, characters who looked scribbled and off, yet carefully drawn like a proper animated character. Hm.     
I knew what kind of comedy show I wanted to do. I came up with a series, Dance With Grandpa, to pitch to Adult Swim. I included Horse Hat and Pineapple Jack as seen on Fastforward, and a character called Slutty Clown, which I made up as a joke one day with Jason. I also included Stench, a lost character from an aborted Mike Stoklasa movie. The idea is to create a series that's ... well .... strange, twisted and wrong on many levels. The editing is flashy and nonsensical, some of the drawings seem scrawled by a madman. We are in a world of darkness with bizarre characters and a galaxy of fawning, obsequious robots. When I was pitching to Nickelodeon, I heard the exec grumbling that they see a million series ideas every season, and they just want something really different, something they havenžt seen before. I thought Ižd give them their wish. Be careful what you wish for. As an underground comedy filmmaker, the stuff that makes me laugh the hardest is the really out-there stuff, the stuff that doesnžt follow conventional rules because itžs designed just to be funny. With this series, there are no rules, no boundaries. To the writers, the only rule is to be funny. Pure freedom. The idea would work if it ever got on the air and didn't complete suck ... Young people looking for something with that strange, sick underground feel immediately latch onto a series that' a bit different/strange. Older audiences tend to be confused at first, and then enjoy the series if itžs funny. Network execs get skittery and immediately cancel anything like that. Oh well. Behind a bizarre exterior, I still want to create a legitimate, regular old comedy series. Keep it funny. I might make a pilot for this, but I'm still figuring out the exact feel and characters. It's hard to convey anything about this series on paper actually. I have decided to give up on trying to be funny in this pitch, because I think on paper Ižll fail. Instead, Ižve just prepared a few pieces of "visual poetry" to introduce you to the characters. Theyžre not exactly funny, but more like haikus to let you know what these strange creatures are all about. Enjoy. 
Well, those are some designs for the actual animated series ... But now I'd like to share with you my stream of consciousness babblings from that actual night. The 19 pages of scribbling that came direct from my head without thought that night. I would never share this with Adult Swim, but it has a rhythm all its own. Think upon this, won't you?
The End. So I heard back from Nathan at Adult Swim. He thought that with the exception of Dance With Grandpa, all my pitches were too conventional -- as I said, execs are jaded, they've seen it all before, and Adult Swim in particular makes strange shows that are experimental and don't follow conventional narrative format. He suggested that Chosen Ones et al might be better on a different network. But my ploy to wake him up with Dance With Grandpa, give him something genuinely peculiar so he couldn't say he'd seen it before, that actually worked. He noted that it was the most interesting, as it was less conventional, but that it wasn't coherent or well developed and didn't hold together. Which is totally true. I pitched the series based on barely an idea. I didn't have anything worked out concretely or written or completely thought out, I just wanted to throw in something kind of odd to wake him up. They rejected me, but I feel slightly encouraged in a weird way. At least they responded to this a bit. If I develop Dance With Grandpa to the point where it becomes a real show, I might have better luck with Adult Swim or anyone else. I am planning to do pilot animatics for both The Chosen Ones and Dance With Grandpa. They will not really be animated, just still drawings for each line, but you'll be able to watch them with finished voices, and get the idea of what the pilots wold be. I have been writing The Chosen Ones, which you can read in that thread. Dance with Grandpa I've been more like fiddling around with, as it doesn't apply itself well to conventional writing. I feel as if I have to develop the characters one by one, in little sketches, and figure out what they're all about. 
Straight from the new Ghostbusted Trilogy DVD, I'm proud to be able to present GHOSTBUSTED ZERO, a very special outtake reel from the original Ghostbusted. And a remastered version of the original Ghostbusted, complete with new footage. http://ffrevolution.com/1ocpvideos/ghostbustedzero.mp4 (57.6 MB) http://ffrevolution.com/1ocpvideos/ghostbusted1.mp4 (41 MB) 
Ghostbusted, of course, was my mess of a movie shot at the first Camp Rewind film festival in South Dakota in 2001. The idea was to make a little Ghostbusters movie, but the people who were starring in it - Jason Santo, Jon Ashby, April Cresey, etc. - rapidly lost interest and the film became sloppier and sloppier until I was left without a cast and just shooting random footage with Mike Stoklasa and Jay Bauman, as the film itself degraded into a chaotic mess. The end result was quite funny, as edited together by Mike Stoklasa into an orgy of randomness. It's a nice commentary on the film festival itself, and for those who were there in 2001, or remember that era of Rewind and the Camp Rewind festival, the film brings back a lot of memories. 
Wellll ..... the new film, Ghostbusted Zero, contains all the outtakes from the original film, which are all very funny. Since it's just as long as the movie itself, actually longer (27.5 minutes as opposed to 21), I call it a new film, Ghostbusted Zero. The centerpiece is a very special extended version of "If you were a Ghostbuster, what kind of Ghostbuster would you be?" segment ... much, much longer and featuring appearances by Jonathan Margheim, Alan Winston, Erin Arbogast, Wei Quek, Murray Boyer, and extended bits with everyone, especially the Queequeg crew - and Wally Fong hitting me with a chair. The DVD also contains the Ghostbusted 3 outtake reel (and a long clip from Ghostbusted 3 itself). There is no outtake reel for Ghostbusted 2, because Ghostbusted 2 IS an outtake reel. It's not an actual movie. Anything bad or screwed-up was used in the film itself. 
You might also enjoy this remastered version of the original Ghostbusted. It appears on the DVD in lovely quality, but it'll look nicely like crap here online. Look for new little bits - an alternate edit of Jason & April's scene, new lines like "Somebody's gonna come up behind me, I know it," "hosers," "Get a new shirt," and a brief extra segment in the end credits, involving Jonathan Margheim and a dog. ENJOY. 
http://ffrevolution.com/1ocpvideos/ghostbustedzero.mp4 (57.6 MB) http://ffrevolution.com/1ocpvideos/ghostbusted1.mp4 (41 MB) Kicked out of the condo in Carlsbad. Moved into a new place in L.A. last night. All is well. New address! Garrett Gilchrist 1736 Kilbourn St. Los Angeles, CA 90065 Future Street stretches out before me .... literally. That's the name of the next street. The lights of the city. A view from my window, beautiful at night, ugly and brown during the day. This is the city. Los Angeles, CA. Kerry Thorne and Cicely Gilman, a middle-aged hippie-type couple, live here with their cat Cartouche. All is well. They have DSL so I catch up on Stella and old episodes of The State. I watch an old Emo Philips special and Henry Selick animations. Close to the studios, Burbankish - very close to ABC, NBC ... I bother them until work they give. After being rejected by Nickelodeon, I sent in some animated series pitches to Adult Swim. I am immensely proud of my pitch for The Chosen Ones. And the bizarre, surrealistic Dance With Grandpa. One in a billion chance that anyone will care, but it can't hurt to come up with good pitches anyway. Who knows. Might try working on pilots for these series, just create something to get it down on video. Party on, Wayne. New DVDs from Orange Cow this week! Ghostbusted Trilogy Preview Disc - A complete collection of the Ghostbusted films - or almost complete, as Ghostbusted 3 isn't done yet. A long 15-minute extract from it is included though, the entire end battle with Warren Blyth as The Ghostmaster. This is a great disc - it also includes lengthy outtake reels from Ghostbusted 3 and a new one for Ghostbusted, which is called Ghostbusted Zero, and includes many, many previously unseen scenes with the cast - like a very extended version of "If you were a Ghostbuster, what sort of Ghostbuster would you be?" Jonathan Margheim, Alan Winston, Erin Arbogast, Wei Quek, Murray Boyer and more are interviewed, and there are notably extended interviews with everyone else. The original Ghostbusted was remastered especially for this disc, and appears here in a brand-new edit, with some secret extra bits for you to enjoy. I'll redo this disc with the final Ghostbusted 3 whenever that's done, and maybe do a commentary or something. I've also transferred a lot of the old Orange Cow movies to DVD, just straight-up with a DVD recorder. Notably: Excaliburger Gorilla, Interrupted (with a lot of special features after the movie) The Animal Game (on two discs, the second disc also featuring 40 minutes of the sequel, The Animal Effect) A remastered version of The Phantom Movie has also been created, for a DVD with commentary and outtake reel, but I'm doing that the hard way so it's not available yet. I've also done an alternate version of the Indulgence DVD for my own library, just so I don't have to look at a version with Jay's commentary on it. The Gods of Los Angeles DVD will also be redone shortly, in its final cut version! Composer Fabrizio Castania has finished a whole bunch more music for this film, so I think we're done. I'll get to work on that. A second disc of special features will be created very quickly, as that has almost been done for some time. Notably, there will be an hour of deleted scenes and an hour of outtakes. A third disc containing interviews and a documentary about making the film will be created at some later point. Non-Orange Cow DVDs My video recorder has been fired up a lot lately to transfer rare Neil Innes and Monty Python material. Many, many discs created there. But I certainly didn't use a DVD recorder to make this one -- Bonzo Dog Band: Talking Pictures - This is the biggest Orange Cow fan DVD project since Deleted Magic. It's an epic compilation of rare performances by The Bonzo Dog Doo-Dah Band, the eccentric British band from the 60s who were close friends with Monty Python and The Beatles. They took on old songs from the 20s and acid rock from the late 60s, including exploding robots and visual insanity in their act. Vivian Stanshall, Neil Innes, Roger Ruskin-Spear, Rodney Slater, Dennis Cowan (or Dave Clague, or Sam Spoons and Vernon Dudley Bohay-Nowell). I've taken every clip I could find and remastered it, then used clips and clever editing to reconstruct clips I couldn't find, and make entirely new videos for songs. Good stuff. Tracklist -- Intro (Dog)/Death Cab for Cutie (MMT) Hello (We Are Normal) Canyons of Your Mind (CMP) I'm the Urban Spaceman (CMP) Monster Mash (DNAYS) Equestrian Statue/Newsflash (BC) Little Sir Echo (BC) The Sound of Music (DNAYS) 4 Fables/Seaside Poem (IBOR) Mr. Apollo (CMP)/Sinister (IBOR) Love is a Cylindrical Piano (DNAYS) Metaphorically Speaking (DNAYS) By a Waterfall (DNAYS) Merry Christmas (DNAYS) I'm the Urban Spaceman (DNAYS) Eleven Moustachioed Daughters (BiG GRunt) Hunting Tigers Out in "Indiah" Head Ballet (Pathe) Equestrian Statue (Pathe) The Bride Stripped Bare by "Bachelors" (montage) Death Cab for Cutie (DNAYS) Beautiful Zelda (DNAYS) Adventures of the Son of Exploding Sausage (clip) Room With a View (The Big Show) Little Sir Echo (New Faces) Tubas in the Moonlight (DNAYS) Canyons of Your Mind (BC) I'm the Urban Spaceman (BC) Jollity Farm (cartoon) DNAYS sketches Ready-Mades (montage) I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles (Full House) Humanoid Boogie (IBOR reedit) We Were Wrong ("Urban Spaceman" minstrel promo montage) Hello Mabel (DNAYS) Vivian Stanshall Adverts Look Out, There's a Monster Coming (DNAYS) I'm the Urban Spaceman (IBOR) Equestrian Statue (DNAYS) Rawlinson End Wheelbarrow Nice and Tidy Quiet Talks and Summer Walks (IBOR reedit) Rawlinson End clip: "Riddles" Imagination I'm the Urban Spaceman (RWT) Suspicion The Cracks Are Showing The End (New Faces) I'd Rather Cut My Hands (Crank) Fishing (OMW) Bonus features: Full House with Roger Ruskin-Spear Friday Night, Saturday Morning with Vivian Stanshall Eric Idle sings Captain Fantastic Karaoke feature In other news, I've been kicked out of the condo in Carlsbad, am moving back to L.A. .... BR> I've drastically redesigned my website, Orangecow.org. It's a "back to nature" theme this time around, centering on grass and outdoor things, to tie in with the actual Orange Cow. I hadn't redesigned the Orange Cow site in two years - the orange and blue design Warren Blyth and I created was put up in summer 2003, during the Indulgence shoot, when Jay had left town to avoid actually making the movie. I like the orange and blue design, but it had gotten a little old, and I wanted something new to celebrate the quasi-release of Gods of Los Angeles. To create this new design, I walked outside here in Carlsbad and took some photos. A few that I liked became three different versions of the new design. The site's content isn't updated much, apart from a new "More From Orange Cow" section that replaces the old, old MeuhNET site (from 1996). That's nice. The preview version of Gods of Los Angeles (The Festival Cut) is also available for sale for the first time, but I've done that quietly because really, Gods won't be officially released until the entire big multi-disc DVD set is done. I'll be updating more soon. Woo. So, with Gods of Los Angeles long since done and being finished for DVD and the festivals, the heart of a young man turns to thoughts of love. But since no woman is interested in him, the thoughts turn to what the hell movie he's going to waste three years on next. And that's the problem. I used to do at least one feature a year ... did five in 1999 ... back when I could slap it together ... Gods of L.A. took so long mostly because I was still in school and had to wait to really work on editing, but it still took over a year to edit properly. The problem becomes that none of my current ideas seem worth spending THAT long on. I was developing a fantasy script called The Kings of Eternity, that WAS worth spending three years on, but that's because it was so insanely ambitious and expensive I could never actually shoot it on my budget. So, with 3/4 of the script done, I've had to put it aside. I don't want to, but it's a good film and I don't want to fuck it up by compromising on the budget - it's an ambitious film and I'll need a Hollywood budget to do it right. BUT WHO KNOWS WHAT THE FUTURE WILL BRING here's the logline: The Kings of Eternity (working title) - This is a powerful, dramatic fantasy film set in modern times. Many centuries ago, two brothers made a pact of evil that shocked the entire world, selling their souls in exchange for eternal life. One of those brothers regretted what he had done, and dedicated his life to erasing the evil his brother had unleashed. But he lost his eternal life for the love of a good woman, and is now dead. Now, his daughter has found out her father's secret ... just a regular girl, going to school. With the help of a regular guy from her home town, and accompanied by the possibly-evil son of her uncle, she must now track down and destroy her uncle and an entire legion of the undead, once and for all of eternity. Whichever movie I shoot next, though, it's probably going to be on 24p HD ... there are finally HDv cameras out for home use. I'm not happy with the 24p mode on Sony's attempt, but the one by JVC sounds ... all right. It's all prototype technology at this point though. I know that it'll all get much better soon, but I can't wait for soon. With Kings of Eternity on the backburner, I dusted off a very old script from 2001. I planned this as the followup to Excaliburger, but David Ashe didn't want to do it. The Dead Can't Dance - A comedy/drama/horror rock musical epic in the vein of Little Shop of Horrors. A group of young people living in a small town are gathered together on the night that the dead begin to rise from their graves and devour the living. They must fight back, and stick together, if they are to survive what looks like the end of the world. Featuring music numbers like "Lay Down Your Head and Die", "I Don't Want to Love You," and "I Can Still Remember." The songs in this film are great - the script itself needs some work. It was originally written as an Excaliburger style comedy, all sex jokes and fast food. If I actually shoot this one - and this seems like the best feature script to shoot - I have to do extensive rewriting (and writing, as I never wrote the last half/quarter of the movie) to change the tone of the piece to be more adult and less stupid. Yet I can never bring myself to rewrite myself ... so ... uh. After the reaction to Gods of Los Angeles I figure I should really get back to comedy. But comedy isn't the way I think anymore ... I lean toward drama and fantasy ... and comedy for me is reallly hard to write these days, especially since I hold myself to such high standards. Hm. I always have a headache. The other problem is that it doesn't seem worth it to spend all that long on a comedy. An epic musical though? Maybe. Hm. The songs have to be recorded first. I sent off a CD of me singing the songs badly to "Pink" Bob Harper in Illinois, and also contacted (or was contaced by) a few bands on the net. They're supposed to record the tunes, but nothing's happened yet. We'll see if anything does. I feel like I'm waiting for someone else to initiate this project. Sigh. I did attempt to develop a new comedy. And I've been writing one, off and on. It was inspired by how the idiot teenagers these days can't stop quoting Napoleon Dynamite and all that. I rolled my eyes and said, well, if kids want a cult comedy, I'll give them a fucking cult comedy. I attempted to analyze films like Clerks and do something along those lines only not as shitty. About my generation of nerds. In the process, the film became stuffed with pop culture references. Which has never been true in my scripts really. Apart from obvious things like The Phantom Movie. It just seemed right to reference geek culture in the script, to the point where if I actually made this film, I wouldn't really have full rights to it - even musicwise ... which would make festival screening hard. And again - is it worth spending that long on a silly comedy? Then again, this film might not take THAT long, it's conceived as kind of a toss-off, to be filmed lightly. If I can ever film anything lightly. She's Got Claws - A cult buddy comedy for the Nintendo generation, in the tradition of Clerks and Napoleon Dynamite. A film for anyone who's ever had trouble growing up and putting away their comics, toys and video games. Derren is a 24-year-old comic-store geek on a sacred quest for the world's greatest Catwoman action figure. Tate is his best friend, still recovering from an unhappy divorce. When they meet Princess and Eunice, they meet their match - two women crazy enough to join them on their strange quest ... during which they'll discover if they can really grow up and put the toys away. Another big problem is that as I mentioned I don't feel funny anymore, and don't naturally lean to writing comedy. I need a cowriter on this like nobody's business - to give me some ideas and spark me writing gags again. I attempted to enlist a few cowriters, including Jeremy Benjamin ... He wrote the first 8 pages, I rewrote, and then we had a small disagreement, and now he's busy. Again, I feel like I'm waiting for someone else to initiate this project. Sigh. While locked out of the house one hot day, I spent 5 hours walking, down by the beach, and became philosophical. I was struck by the beauty of my surroundings ... the deep canyons of the rocks, the beach nearby ... It occurred to me that this would make the perfect setting for a fantasy film, like Kings of Eternity. But I wasn't shooting Kings of Eternity ... was I? It then occurred to me that a short film might be a good |
