The "Arthur Two Sheds Jackson" skit from MPFC:  Series One, Show One
                   (C) 1989 by Python Productions Ltd.

INTERVIEWER (ERIC):  Last week The Royal Festival Hall saw the first
     performance of a new symphony by one of the world's leading modern
     composers, Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson.  Mr Jackson.

JACKSON (TERRY J):  Good evening.

INTERVIEWER:  May I just sidettrack you for one moment.  My Jackson, this,
     what should I call it, nickname of yours.

JACKSON:  Oh yes.

INTERVIEWER:  "Two Sheds".  How did you come by it?

JACKSON:  Well I don't use it myself, it's just a few of my friends call me
     "Two Sheds".

INTERVIEWER:  I see, and do you in fact have two sheds?

JACKSON:  No.  No, I've only one shed.  I've had one for some time, but a
     few years ago I said I was thinking of getting another one and since
     then some people have called me "Two Sheds".

INTERVIEWER:  In spite of the fact that you have only one.

JACKSON:  Yes.

INTERVIEWER:  I see, and are you thinking of purchasing a second shed?

JACKSON:  No.

INTERVIEWER:  To bring you in line with your epithet.

JACKSON:  No.

INTERVIEWER:  I see, I see.  Well let's return to your symphony.  Ah, now
     then, did you write this symphony ... in the shed?

JACKSON:  ... No.

INTERVIEWER:  Have you written any of your recent works in this shed of
     yours?

JACKSON:  No it's just a perfectly ordinary garden shed.

[A picture of a shed appears on the screen behind them.]

INTERVIEWER:  I see.  And you're thinking of buying this second shed to
     write in.

JACKSON:  No, no.  Look this shed business, it doesn't really matter at all,
     the sheds aren't important.  It's just a few friends call me "Two
     Sheds", and that's all there is to it.  I wish you'd ask me about my
     music.  I'm a composer.  People always ask me about the sheds, they've
     got it out of proportion, I'm fed up with the shed, I wish I'd never got
     it in the first place.

INTERVIEWER:  I expect you're probably thinking of selling one.

JACKSON:  I will sell one.

INTERVIEWER:  Then you'd be Arthur "No Sheds" Jackson.

JACKSON:  Look forget about the sheds.  They don't matter.

INTERVIEWER:  Mr Jackson I think with respect, we ought to talk about your
     symphony.

JACKSON:  What?

INTERVIEWER:  Apparently your symphony was written for organ and tympani.

JACKSON:  [catches sight of the picture of the shed behind him] What's that?

INTERVIEWER:  What's what?

JACKSON:  It's a shed.  Get it off.

[He points to BP screen shed.  The picture of the shed disappears and is
     replaced by a picture of Jackson.  Jackson looks at it carefully.]

JACKSON:  Right.

INTERVIEWER:  Now then Mr Jackson ... your symphony.

[CAPTION:  ARTHUR "TWO SHEDS" JACKSON]

[Cut back to studio:  the picture of him is replaced by a picture of two
     sheds, one with a question mark over it.]

INTERVIEWER:  I understand that you used to be interested in train spotting.

JACKSON:  What?

INTERVIEWER:  I understand that about thirty years ago you were extremely
     interested in train spotting.

JACKSON:  What's that got to do with my bloody music?

[Enter 2nd Interviewer]

2ND INTERVIEWER (JOHN):  Are you having any trouble from him?

INTERVIEWER:  Yes, a little.

2ND INTERVIEWER:  Well we interviewers are more than a match for the likes
     of you, "Two Sheds".

INTERVIEWER:  Yes make yourself scarce "Two Sheds".  This studio isn't big
     enough for the three of us.

[They push him away and propel him out.]

JACKSON:  What are you doing? [He is pushed out of vision with a crash.]

INTERVIEWER:  Get your own Arts programme you fairy!

2ND INTERVIEWER:  [to camera] Arthur "Two Sheds" Jackson.

[Cut to linkman.  He is about to speak when:]

2ND INTERVIEWER:  [off-screen] Never mind, Timmy.

INTERVIEWER:  [off-screen] Oh Michael you're such a comfort.

LINKMAN:  Arthur "Two Sheds" ...

[Cut to man in Viking helmet at desk.]

VIKING (JOHN):  ... Jackson.